Stay
by frozenrelevant
Summary: Not everyone is fortunate with finding true love at a simple coffee shop. Especially when the person you're in love with happens to be there everyday. Elsa Ryans is a young independent woman who ends up falling for the guitarist working at Palace Coffee House. Keep reading to see how their ends meet and how love opens a new door for the two. Elsanna Modern AU
1. Chapter 1

"Yes, yes. I'll have it sent in right away. I just need to look for a wifi source." I smile softly at my phone while hastily looking for a hopeful wifi source. The sun was going down and I had to be back home before it got completely dark.

I enter a place called Palace Coffee House, which held small acoustic performances each evening. I decide to sit at the farthest couch.

Opening my laptop, I also take out my planner to write down a couple reminders before starting on the documents.

I am Elsa Ryans. A college student at Brown and also very busy.

Right now, All I want to do is concentrate on finishing the document and sending it over to my partner, who is also far from finished.

I take a film making course I had been dreaming of ever since I held my first camera. This document was an essay on some kind of stupid topic regarding the wiles of making a movie and some other kind of director crap I had to learn. This wasn't exactly all I had to do within the week. There were just so many, I no longer knew where to start.

A final project we students have to make is a short film concerning... Almost anything, really. I had no where to start. There was nothing coming up to me right now.

But I haven't been thinking of what I could at least do for a final project.

What if I made a vlog diary? Ridiculous. Or maybe some kind of documentary about something important? Neither was I interested to do it.

But just to prepare myself, I always being around my video camera in case there were things that needed taping.

Well, like nothing.

Without me noticing, a guitar around the coffee shop had begun strumming. At first, I paid no attention and had ordered myself a glass of water. Then, I get back to my project.

 _"All along, it was a fever."_ I could hear a song begin to play. I look up to see a girl on the small stage of the coffee shop, sitting on a stool with guitar at hand. _"A cold sweat, hot headed believer."_

She was pretty. Had her strawberry hair up in a messy bun and she was wearing a flannel top.

 _"I threw my hands in the air, said, 'show me something'. He said 'If you dare, come a little closer'."_

I didn't know why, but I had started grabbing my video recorder.

 _"Round and around and around and around we go._

 _Oh, now tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know."_

I press the record button and try to keep my own hand still. Why was I recording this? Her voice had drawn me to her and once I was really listening, I got hooked.

 _"Not really sure how to feel about it. Something in the way you move. Makes me feel like I can't live without you. It takes me all the way. I want you to stay."_

I felt my own emotions sink down into this small sea of melancholic thought. I sigh loudly, not noticing how deeply I've been thinking. I almost laugh to myself. This mysterious girl had lost me for a bit and now I was here, trying to get myself back. I loved the way she had pulled me from myself for a bit. Made me forget who I am. In a beautiful kind of way.

The girl on stage was back to singing the chorus but I haven't stopped filming. I waited for the song to end.

And once it did, I had put the camera down as she sang another song. One song after another. All very beautiful and it gave me chills listening to such a voice.

It took me probably six songs to realize that it had gotten dark and I was too drawn to the performer to leave the coffee shop, when I was finished sending the document and there wasn't much else to do.

Though I knew I'd love to stay much longer, I couldn't so I headed home. As I walked over each step at the sidewalk, the black video camera was clutched tightly to my chest as I had promised myself,

I might as well drop by again tomorrow.

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This chapter is a little too short but this is just the beginning, guys! Hope you are liking it! I was literally in the shower when I thought about this. There are PROBABLY Frozen fanfics which have already done this kind of setting (yet I'm not so sure) but I try to make mine as different as possible. Thank you for reading X


	2. Chapter 2

I finally make my way to my apartment where I hang my old khaki trench coat and hide away my dad's old combat boots.

My apartment isn't big. It isn't small either. I had my own bedroom and terrace and this apartment my father had bought me came with a fortunate set of two bathrooms.

I make myself some tea and watch a little bit of the cooking channel while eating a bowl of grapes. My dinner.

It was always this lonely since the first day I moved in here, which was four years ago. My parents only had me and I didn't come with anyone else. Probably now, dad would be going back and forth to different countries while mom would be out drinking with her friends like she always did.

Dad was a pilot while mom was your typical trophy house wife.

I felt slightly ignored, growing up. They rarely spared time for me, though I didn't care, I loved being alone.

Dad had his pretty foreign women while mom had friends to listen to her drunk confessions about being a pressured mother. I sometimes wonder if I'm ever going to end up constantly wasted while I recite every regret I've ever made to the kids I wish I never had. Like what she used to do with me every time she arrived home.

I was seven when she called me an ungrateful bitch. Dad was in Japan and I cooked dinner for myself from then on, which usually consisted of cereal or the noodles you pour hot water into. We had maids but mom had fired them one by one.

I have no regrets on moving out. There was nothing waiting for me back at home. I had no future there. But what I will always promise to myself: I will never be the shadow of my own mother. I will never come home wasted or high and talk shit to my own children as if they deserved it.

I will promise to attend every recital. Plan every surprise party. Help pick out their prom dresses. I'm going to give the love I never received.

I couldn't concentrate on what Jamie Oliver was trying to say. I couldn't even tell what he was cooking. The minute I knew I was paying more attention to my thoughts, I turned the TV off.

Another one of my problems.

How was I going to get children? I couldn't imagine myself walking down the isle for someone who loves me. I barely had any friends. I've never had a boyfriend.

I was always the little girl who liked to sit in the corner of a room, spending the entire night of the party admiring a vase next to her. I was the biggest wallflower I knew. Sometimes I wonder what I felt like doing with my life. I didn't feel like I was going anywhere. I didn't feel like anything was going to happen to me. A party, a wedding, baby showers- nothing.

The moment I figured I had nothing to do, I dialed in my dad's number.

He picks up at the third ring.

"Hey, kiddo. How's college?" I hear his old comforting voice ring around the inside of my head. I wanted to break down.

"It's good. I'm great here. Just doing a little studying." I sigh a bit. I could almost smell dad's Montecristo cigars and his usual shaving cream through the telephone.

"That's good, Hon. I'm taking a rest here at a really nice hotel. It's somewhere in California. A seven hour drive from home." He says. "I've got Kris here with me and her kid David."

Kris is dad's current girlfriend. I love Kris, I always have. Dad had met her through work three years ago. She has been abandoned by her ex-husband not too long before they met. She always brought me flowers whenever she came to visit me here in Rhode Island. Her house was a two hour drive from here and I always appreciated her dropping by to say hello and help me redecorate.

As for David, her five year old son, I've never met him before. Kris never brought him along, saying that he'd only get impatient through his mother's long talks.

"Tell Kris I said hi." I state to dad, not really knowing what to say anymore. "And to David."

"Yeah, sure." He says, almost as if he's ready to hang up.

Though I'd never admit it, I missed my parents. They were never around to make me happy but I just really love them.

If ever my father would end up marrying Kris, I want him to be David's father. The father I never had. The father who thought his only daughter could be satisfied by buying things she wanted. The father who didn't know how to be a real father 20 years ago.

I wanted him to know I wasn't happy here. That he should probably check up on me once in a while, just to see if he still cared.

"Daddy," My voice cracks a bit.

"Hm?"

I breathe deeply, trying to smother my heavy breathing with a fake laugh.

"I really miss you."

I wait in silence for his response. Expecting him to say he missed me too. Or maybe at least ask me if I'm alright.

He sighs heavily, the phone makes a staticky noise.

"Okay," he says after a long pause. "I'll see you soon."

"Bye." I exhale and put my phone down.

Once the clock had reached midnight, I brush my teeth and head straight to bed, trying to forget the fact that I might as well be alone for as long as I can take it.

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Thanks for reading you guys! Elsanna scenes are coming soon so hang on! Also, keep the reviews coming! I'd love to hear from all of you, negative reviews or not.

Have a nice day, and may you all find happiness! X


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up at around 5:30 to wash my hair and head off to Palace for some breakfast.

School doesn't usually start until a couple more hours so I leave my things at my apartment.

I order my breakfast and take a seat at some stool next to the counter. The stage is empty as I can see from a few feet away. The only thing occupying a bit of the space was the black stool and an amplifier.

I was the only customer inside so the employees didn't mind me that much, seeing that they are happily chatting with each other.

"I can't wait for my damn payroll." A woman handling the coffee had yelled at her friend by the cashier.

"Just sixteen more days, Gwen! Keep your shit together!" The man laughs at her. "Don't go wasting your money on bourbon just yet!"

"It's not for bourbon, asshole. It's for my kid's schooling."

I silently watch the chatter around the place; taking a few sips of coffee as I listen in on the loudest conversation: the one with the dark skinned woman and the guy in round glasses with a ginger beard.

The man laughs again and turns around to write something down.

The woman by the name Gwen leans on the counter. "Kinda wish I could get home earlier. I'm having guests over and they're relying on me to make the dinner."

"Stop your complaining. Can't you see we've got a costumer?" I see the man look and point me with his pen.

"She won't mind, wouldn't you, sweetie?" Gwen hums at me.

I shake my head hastily. "No, of course not."

"I see you a lot. You pass by the shop on your way home, but you never bother to come inside." Gwen smiles at me. I see a small gap between her teeth.

I smile back. "It's my second time here."

"You're a pretty little thing, aren't you."

I blink twice and purse my lips. "Thank you-?"

"And you must be a student at Brown. I've seen your jacket. You're smart too."

I shrug my shoulders softly at her and she bangs the table, making me flinch.

"'Course, I'd never bring my son there. Tuition's just too ridiculous."

I dad wanted me to study in Brown. I wanted to study in NYU, because it felt closer to home even when it wasn't close at all. I just loved the ambience and the noise.

For me, there is a big difference between the sound of a crowded street with honking cars, and the sound and feeling of being in New York.

New York. I loved it there.

It was a place I knew I'd be very lost in, but having the comfort of knowing that it's going to be okay.

"Miss, I have a tiny question," I blurted out to her. "How often do the acoustic sessions happen in the coffee shop?"

"Why, almost every night. Depends if the guitarist comes." The man finally speaks up. "Which is often."

I manage a polite smile at them and tuck an invisible strand of blonde hair behind my left ear.

"How many do you have?" I ask.

"There's only one, dear. We've only ever had one." Gwen replies, coming out from behind the counter and already sat next to me. I feel myself tense up but I try not to make it obvious.

"... What's her name?" I almost mutter.

"You talking about the little red head?" The man leans in and looks me in the eyes, beginning a whisper. "That's Anna Winters. She's been our guitarist for five years straight. She's been earning money for school. Apparently, she hasn't been to school for two years."

I look down at my wallet and put it under my palm. "Is she coming tonight? I... liked her performance yesterday."

Gwen nods her head at me. "Anna comes almost every night. She's loved by all the employees here. Sometimes I just can't resist her so I usually give her my tips."

I felt a tad bit nervous but there was hope somewhere inside me.

I get up, ready to thank them for the meal. "I'll come for dinner later. I'll be expecting Anna." I tell them and head back to my apartment.

As I walk past a couple trees in the sidewalk and a few shops, I see someone familiar run to me.

"Elsa!" I hear Hans call me with his loud obnoxious voice. "Hey!"

He was a schoolmate in Brown. He's smart but he's such an asshole.

I nod at him silently and keep walking.

"H-Hey. Where are you going?" He pants. "Wait."

"I'm just going to get my things in my apartment." I say awkwardly. He's never talked to me before. We knew each other but glances are as far as I thought we were going to get.

He catches up to me and links his arm with mine.

"I'm walking with you." He smirks at me.

 _Asshole._

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Hey, guys! Hope you liked this chapter! I'm sorry for not posting sooner but I've just been really busy! I'm going somewhere by Sunday for a two day stay so when I'm back I MIGHT publish more than one story :) thanks again for reading! X


	4. Chapter 4

Hans barely knew me and I barely knew him. This five minute walk felt like an eternity with his arm linked to me. He was practically dragging me and I couldn't say anything to him.

"So, where's your apartment?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Huh?" He looks at me as he bites his upper lip. "Doing what?"

"All... This touching." I shrug, jerking him away from me at last as I reach my apartment.

"Nice place you got here." He ignores me as he looks around the living room area. "Is this authentic?"

"Don't touch that." I slap his hand away from a figurine. " _Why_ are you here?"

"Oh, that." He smiles sheepishly then puts an arm around me. "You see, I'm in the law department and school is in a way, almost over for me-"

"Yes, yes cut to the chase." I pull his arm away irritably.

"I haven't done my thesis yet, so I kind of need a little help." He sighs. "So I had to come ask help from one of the best writers in campus."

Was I the best writer in campus? Did this guy really think he'd win me over by flattery? A part of me pitied him but most of me wanted him thrown out my balcony window.

"That's very flattering, Hans. But I direct films. I don't write." I grab my bag, ready to leave the apartment.

"Please, Elsa! Not to mention, you have amazing screen writing skills!"

I felt myself go red with anger. "You read my screen writing project?"

"Well. Yeah... But! Right after I heard you got the highest score in the test last year. Lots of students talk about you."

"Yeah, right." I roll my eyes openly. "Get out of my apartment."

We finally leave my place, locking the door behind us as we walk down the hall.

Who was this guy, to order me to make his own thesis? Well, not really _make,_ but assist. Hans was popular. I knew him since the third day I moved to Rhode Island. At the same time, he knew me.

And that was it. That was all I saw of him. We haven't spoken at all and I had never expected talking to him like this.

"So you'll do it?" I heard a hint of hope in his voice. "Say you will, Elsa Ryans."

I turn to him, taking my sunglasses out to wear. "And what's in it for me? I barely know you."

"And _I_ barely know _you._ This could be a great opportunity! Y'know, since you don't have that much friends-"

"I'd let it stay that way if I wanted, and I will."

I don't stop walking and he doesn't stop following. I wasn't in the mood for helping anyone, let alone an almost stranger. Then again, what did I know about helping people?

"Okay, I've got it. I owe you... Five hundred!" He smiles at me, stopping me from going down the sidewalk.

"Five hundred what?"

"Dollars! Think of what you could buy with that kind of money!"

I smile at him and start walking ahead. I was ready to shoot him down a rejection. "Well-"

"Alright! So we start tomorrow at your place! Thank you so much!" Hans almost yells out. He slaps me on the back as if I was a slab of meat as he walks ahead and leaves for Uni.

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5:43 pm

Right after the day had started to end, I drop by Palace to eat my dinner like I had promised Gwen.

I sit at the same couch I sat in yesterday and Gwen had rushed over to me with a little smile.

"Thought you wouldn't drop by tonight." She says, a hand on my shoulder.

I shrug silently but smile back.

The girl named Anna was already on stage and she had been singing a song I've never heard before.

 _"Now I know, I know_

 _That we're losing light and our love is dying_

 _Out cold on the floor_

 _Like a fallen star that shines no more_

 _Take, take me back to where we was before_

 _When we were on fire, fire."_

I was awestruck. Her voice reminded me of everything I have ever wished for myself.

She sounds like a lazy afternoon with my dad, drinking lemonade and eating Cheetos outside our porch, laughing and joking about how annoying our neighbors were. We didn't care how loud we yelled and laughed over our own foolishness.

She sounds like the memories of my mother kissing my forehead, telling me she loved me. She sounds like summer evenings with my childhood friends as we played with our glow sticks at my friend's backyard. I could remember the old phosphorescent green blaze I loved staring at when I was a little girl, waiting for the little green glow stick to die out as we watched evening clouds and listened to the small buzz of our parents from inside their house. I couldn't be with them anymore. One of my friends had moved to Japan while the other one died of cancer. Sometimes, I liked noting how unfortunate my life always was. Even until now.

To me, Anna's voice sounded like a dead memory. All wonderful past moments which have ended so quickly.

But these memories has begun to spring out and have allowed me to relive all of them in a split second.

I held my breath for a while, feeling the song, though I didn't bother understanding the lyrics. But the voice. The singer.

All the songs I've been hearing from her all feel and sound the same to me.

"Hopefully she'll find something that makes her truly happy." Gwen spoke abruptly to me, breaking the silence I've concentrated hard on.

I sigh approvingly at Gwen, finally reacting to her motherly touching to me. I squeeze her shoulder lightly.

"I hope she does too."

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Heyo! Thank you so much for reading! Keep the reviews coming! I'd love to read about all your opinions! Also, if you guys could point out a couple mistakes to me, that would help me A LOT! Thanks, and may you all find true happiness! X


	5. Chapter 5

Saturday, 9:30

Today, I had slept in and I wasn't even surprised with what I had found in front of my apartment door.

"Morning." Hans smiles at me, nudging me aside lightly to go inside. "I like your pajamas."

At first when Hans had linked arms with me just yesterday, a part of me had trusted him. Yeah, he's an ass but I don't think he'd ever do anything too awful to me. I was already expecting a ridiculous favor from him and me being the biggest idiot in the entire world, have let him inside my apartment without really thinking about the possibilities that could actually happen.

Hans was the epitome of confidence. He'd link arms with anyone without thinking about whether that person had a can of pepper spray waiting for him. I on the other hand had the social skills of a potato.

"What are you doing here?" I shrill at him while crossing my arms over my chest.

Shit, I forgot to wear a bra.

"I'm here so you can help me work on my thesis." He puts his bag and his strangely bulky envelope on my couch while I rush back to my dresser to find something that doesn't yell out 'I just woke up, so fuck you'.

"Couldn't you just wait until after lunch?" I call out from the other side of the apartment.

"Well, I can't really wait anymore. I finally get to do it." He answers back. I can hear so much satisfaction in his voice. I guess he was actually serious. He didn't know how to write a thesis.

"You're an aspiring lawyer and you don't know how to make a thesis?" I return to the living room and sit down on the couch, opposite of him.

"I've made a couple and they turned out alright but this is my _final_ thesis _._ It _has_ to be perfect."

I sigh (Why do I always sigh?) loudly at him but offer the most honest smile I have given him so far. "Sometimes I wonder why you have picked me." I say. "Want some breakfast?"

"What're we having?"

"I don't know, whatever you feel like."

Hans looks away for a minute.

"I can eat anything. I just really have to look something up."

I nod slowly and head for my kitchen to make some sausages and pancakes, because why not?

I remember leaving Palace at eleven in the evening last night because I had waited for Anna's performance to end. I couldn't get the courage to face her just yet so when her dinner came in, I went home. At least Gwen knew I'd be back to see her. Gwen had become a slight friend to me since the morning I had met her. And I had expected exactly what I was expecting from her. She was a chatterbox. Loved talking about her kids and loved going to her job.

After I have finished cooking breakfast, I serve it on the table. We had eaten quick then finally gotten through a bit of the thesis making.

"What topic are you discussing?"

"I've never written anything on Criminal Law. It's-its important and I guess people should hear about it more."

"It's _your_ thesis." I shrug my shoulders. "But that's a good idea."

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Hans and I depart by the nearing sunset as he goes home with his first six pages. It had started to become a habit that whenever it's dinner, it's either I eat at Palace or cook my own dinner and rush my way there to see Anna perform while I chatter with Gwen. Only this time, Gwen was absent. Probably some family matter.

Anna had finished early that night. She had only made it up to eight pm and had decided to eat dinner at the table at the most corner.

 _This is stupid,_ I thought to myself. I was actually going to talk to her this time.

 _It's going to be okay_ , I assure myself. _She probably doesn't bite._

Then again, maybe not. I sit still on my seat for a little while longer. I thought about what could actually happen if I really did approach her.

But I see her catch my gaze. I look away quickly, taking the menu and began shielding my face.

 _What the hell are you doing, Elsa?_

I look back slowly to see if she was still looking over at me.

She still is. Then she gives me a small wave. I have no idea where this is going.

Anna stands up, pulling her food along with her.

I see her approaching me and my heart is ramming against my chest.

Why was she going my way?

Standing up, she is literally just in front of me;

As she puts her plate down on my table. "Do you mind?"

I muster a head shake and she sits down.

"Sorry," she speaks up with a little grin, her mouth muffled by her sandwich. "Kinda lonely back there. Hope it's okay."

"It's okay." I squeak out.

Anna turns back to her sandwich and horks down the first piece. I didn't realize myself staring at her until she turns back to me saying, "Wanna try?"

I shake my head quickly and try my best to ignore her.

The first thing I hear after that is her finishing a bite of her sandwich with a few mm's from her.

"My name's Anna Winters. Didn't introduce myself yet." She grins at me. I try to look at her, but only take minimal glances.

"Elsa." I mutter.

Jesus, Elsa just get what you came here for.

"I-I liked your performance." I force out truthfully. "It was good."

"Thanks." She beams, giving me a toothed smile. "That's nice of you."

"And your hair." I say randomly.

"Thanks?" Anna laughs and finishes her sandwich. "I like your hair too."

I bite a bit of my lip, slightly surprised that I had just said that. At least she didn't find it weird.

Anna checks her watch. Her eyes widen. "Crap, I have to go. Im really sorry but I hope we can meet again." She stands up to grab her bag. But before exiting, she turns back at me with a mischievous smile. "It was nice meeting you, Elsa."

I felt my head spin, but I couldn't mistaken my own hidden smile.

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Okay guys. Just to make things clear, this fanfic is rated M, meaning it is not suitable for most ages because of the mature content I chose to put in here so expect some profane words and probably some sexual stuff, not sure if I have decided to go beyond. Had to say it now because I couldn't mention it in the description (not enough to characters).

Okay, now that's done with, I'd like to thank you guys again for reading. I'll be on a hiking trip for a couple days so I might not be posting for a bit.

May you all find true happiness. X


	6. Chapter 6

It didn't take me long to realize how late it's gotten. I was just on my way back to from the grocery and just as I was about to walk down my usual hallway, I spot Hans sitting on the floor, obviously waiting for me. Once he had spotted me, his face lights up while I give him a scowl.

"Jesus, Hans. It's a Sunday. Go home." I walk past him, pulling out the keys to open my apartment door.

"Yeah, I know." He says, probably rolling his eyes behind me as he assists with holding the groceries. "That's why I'm here."

"I don't know with you, but I'm not going to help you today. I'm exhausted." I put the groceries down, ready to push him out and live my life. "And I'm leaving again once I've dropped these off."

"Yeah, I don't plan on doing the thesis today either," he sounded offended. I turn away from him and pull the groceries out. "I also have nothing to do at home. Kinda thought I should stroll with you."

When was he going to stop? I'm not sure if he's trying to piss me off or if he just really wants something from me (asides from his stupid thesis crap).

"Okay, fine." Anything to get him out of here. I could totally bail on him later. "I'm off to the park."

The park wasn't far. But it was a fifteen minute walk there. Not everyone in Rhode Island goes here so this park was my third home, next to the nearest _Barnes and Noble_.

I try to pretend not to notice Hans next to me, though he never stopped talking. I didn't even know what he was saying. I wonder if he ever actually cared to see if someone was listening to him. But then my brain starts focusing on Hans right after he starts snapping his fingers.

"Hey, are you listening?" He asks. "I said I want to know you better."

I couldn't see his true intentions on being here. What if he didn't have any bad ones? Maybe he was just bored. Maybe that's why he had decided to come to me. Didn't he have a girlfriend? A friend group? A life somewhere far from me?

"You know, since we're not at all close and you're helping me with my thesis, maybe I could help you in some way?" He offers. And that's when I saw it.

He had no bad intentions of coming here. He actually came over. For me?

"I don't need anyone's help." I tell him, not stopping to sit down. "I do my work and everything else by myself."

"I can help you make friends." I could feel him almost touch my arm but then he pulls away, choosing not to. "I can bring you inside my group of friends. You're popular in Brown anyway. They won't mind."

Why did he care so much? Why would he bother doing something like this? Thought I knew helping him make a final thesis was enough, I didn't want to owe him anything.

"No." I say timidly. "I'm not good with large crowds." I see Hans smiling at the ground with his hands rammed in his jacket pocket as he shakes his head.

"You're going to be great someday. You can't always try living behind someone's shadow." He looks up at me like I was a little girl. "You can't always give what people expect from you."

I've never exactly seen this version pf Hans before. This Hans was far away from the law books and pencils he is always seen holding. He wasn't too forceful or intimidating as I always thought he was whenever I passed him in campus. People avoided him in hallways like he was some King. He was the head of a fraternity and there couldn't possibly be anything more intimidating than someone who's been suspended for beating up students.

"Exactly," I say as I strode ahead of him. "That's why I choose to go my own way around this; alone."

He caught up after he did a small jogging pace to me and we were silent again. The day was far too cold for me to be wearing a shirt and I almost felt bare against the wind. The light passed through the leaves above us, making the people and the park grounds look like a printed scatter of golden leopard prints. My shoes were the only loud thing I could hear asides from the wind which is why I liked it here. The sounds of traffic and cars had been well blocked and the most sounds you could possibly hear would either be from nature or from who is in nature.

"Trust me, you'll regret being alone." Hans had finally poked me in the shoulder which I had returned with a light slap. "Everyone hated being alone."

"It's better being alone. I love being alone." I admit, I said this stubbornly. "That way no one will hurt me. I won't have to deal with my own feelings."

"Who will hurt you?"

"Oh, I don't know. Anyone. It's happened. That's why I'm here in Rhode Island." I feel myself smile grimly. " _45 hours from home_."

"Hey, you're not the only one who hates their parents." He yanks me down and I feel myself sitting on a bench. I let him continue. "My childhood sucked balls back in Baltimore. I had to leave that shithole I never considered home."

"At least your mother never came home drunk and abused you. At least your dad probably still remembers he had kids."

"I'm sorry." He said and I ignored the apology. "My father was the abusive one. So we're my older brothers. We're six and we're all bastards."

I guess for once, my heart had sunk over this conversation. At least I wasn't alone on this. I felt so lost at first when I had moved out and my mom had threatened to kill herself if I really had left her, which I did. I didn't know what I was doing. I couldn't tell if what I had done was wrong or right. Right now, my mom could be inside our old wrecked house full of empty wine bottles and vomit. She could be out gambling. She would never have committed suicide. I knew she believed she had something ahead of her, though she had already wasted every opportunity.

My dad could be in Germany, hopefully Kris wouldn't let him lead her on. Or anyone he could have left with a child inside her.

"My parents never appreciated me." I think I said it too proudly. "I used to think they did. Until I realized they had lied and have ruined everything I had for them."

I felt him put an arm around me. I allow him to but I do not lean in. "Then let us be called orphans to this day." He announces ridiculously.

A chuckle escapes my lips and I cross my legs.

"Until we die." I agree and ruffle his hair. "Until we believe otherwise."

He ruffles my hair back and I squint over it.

We both look up at the illuminating leaves above us, waiting for them to fall on us or just admiring the light being almost blocked by the trees. I hated being weak and being won over like this. Like Hans ending up my friend which I had wished will never happen. But it did.

Maybe having a friend wasn't too bad.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Hans had left by sunset which meant me going home to cook dinner. I had made myself some grilled chicken then I race over to Palace, just to see if Anna was there.

And she was. Performing again and earning her dinner just like every night. Gwen was serving at the counter and once I had entered, she waves me over.

"Here to record again?" She asks me with her hand squeezing mine. "Sorry I wasn't at Palace yesterday, hon. I had to take care of a few things at home."

"That's okay. I got to talk to Anna and-"

Gwen's phone starts ringing and we both share a confused look. "You should pick it up." I say and she does so. I could tell she really didn't want to.

At first, her blank look is hard. Then she starts tearing up and I try my best to calm her down a bit. I see her take a deep breath then chew the bottom of her lip. She leaves me for a while to talk to the manager and then returns to lightly squeeze my shoulders. "I have to go back home. Elsa, you take care sweet girl." And she leaves me in the counter area which is taken over by Gwen's bearded friend Chuck.

Feeling a bit lost now, I sit down by a couch and record Anna perform.

At some point I might have said something about turning this into a short film. But I didn't know where I was going with a few clips of a girl singing on a tiny stage.

I stopped thinking to myself as I start turning my camera on and had started taping Anna strumming her guitar just like in the last few videos u have of her.

 _"I was June and you were my Johnny Cash_

 _Never one without the other, we made a pact._

 _Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on, woah."_

I manage to see her look at me so I force a shy smile for her. She encourages my gesture with a smile and a happy wave as she continued to the chorus.

 _"In another life, I would be your girl_

 _We keep all our promises, be us against the world_

 _In another life I would make you stay_

 _So I don't have to say you were the one that got away. The one that got away."_

I recorded a bit longer for more than one song. And once I had stopped, Anna did four more songs before her dinner.

Since she has already seen me, she brings her food over to my table and she starts a conversation I wasn't prepared for.

"Gwen's been an amazing help for the past few years. I eat all my dinners here for free because of that woman. I have no idea how to repay her." Anna just kept blabbering on and she didn't mind me just listening. I lean in, forgetting about my iced tea as she talked about her thoughts which were food and puppies. From my perspective, I see her as an incredibly confusing young girl who literally has no idea what she's saying.

"And don't you think Siberian huskies are waayy cuter than Bulldogs? No- wait! I can't decide, they're all too cute!" I just nod my head to her.

Anna turns silent for a while and looks at me. I try my best to look comfortable over her staring.

"Say, do you want to get out of here?" She asks me, finally finished with dinner. Then she downs her glass of water.

"What?"

"Take a walk! Take an evening stroll, or maybe even chat!" Anna stands up and starts pulling me, which I give in to.

"I know a lot of good places around here." She lights up and drags me out of the cafe.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Author's note: I haven't been making chapters for a while. I just got home from my trip and I'm still very exhausted! I'm sorry but I can't promise you guys more than one chapter today but I'll try to make another one as soon as possible!

My Twitter account: akh_andre

Tumblr: randomzebra27

Instagram: musicalnerd24601


	7. Chapter 7

_Do you want to get out of here?_

That's probably the most common phrase every rape victim has ever heard. But knowing me, my naivety could reel me inside a white van that claims to contain free candy. Anna was still pulling on my arm as she leads me away from the opposite direction of my apartment. It was really dark out and the only light was coming from the cloudy sky and the street lamps. It was cold and I swear I could feel my lips cracking whenever I tried moving them in protest.

Anna and I roam around areas like the pet shop, record store and even _Barnes and Noble_ , because why not?

We talked about, well- almost anything we could think of. Anna was very spontaneous and I appreciated it a lot, since all I could do for her was agree and nod my head. She did most of the talking but glad enough, Anna didn't mind.

Honestly, I was still waiting for Anna to formally introduce herself. Was she always picking up random people and taking them around town? I'd like to wonder how long she's been doing this.

But from hearing our conversation, I knew Anna wasn't self-centered. Instead of talking about her profile, she spoke her opinions.

"-and I kinda think there should be some kind of secret passage from my place to my other job because I just really hate walking over there since I usually wake 5 minutes before I'm late!"

I nod at her and we keep walking. I had no idea where we were going and I sort of didn't really care. Anna turns to look back at me.

"Where are you from? You don't seem to be from Providence."

"I'm from California." I tell her as I shove a hand in my pocket. "San Francisco."

"Oh really? I was kind of thinking New York. You seem to like dark clothes and you usually know what you want."

I release a polite laugh and put my hands together softly. "I'll take that as a compliment." Admittedly, after graduation I plan on moving to New York. It's always been a dream of mine to live there. Ever since I was much younger, I remember I was five when I had written an amateur song about going to New York. I was obsessed with it all because of Broadway. I love Broadway, I'm obsessed- _clearly_.

"I want you to talk about yourself," she tells me encouragingly. "You don't talk too much, you know."

"I attend Brown." I shrug. "I take creative writing and media arts."

"Really?" She bit her lip as if she was a bit against it.

"Um, yeah." I tell her, slightly embarrassed for mentioning it. I almost forgot Anna couldn't go to school. I couldn't take back what I had just mentioned so I try averting the subject. "I've always wanted a sister. I-I'm an only child."

"Me too, I guess. But sometimes I realize it's actually better off to be alone because I wouldn't want anyone suffering like me." Anna sighs and we sit down by a pavement. "My parents had died not too long ago. My aunt had offered to adopt me but I just hate her husband! He was an asshole who had even tried molesting me. So I ran away from Hartford.

"I was thirteen when I rented a room somewhere in the next street. I was lost and I didn't know what to do next. Until I started cheating my age so I could get myself into a job and continue schooling. Which I discontinued for a while."

Anna managed a cheeky smile but I could see she felt broken and humiliated for admitting this to me. I could see how inferior she now felt all because she was next to someone far more fortunate than her. She backs away slightly but we continue walking.

I encouraged her to talk more, all because I was interested and I didn't want her to think I was judging her. And she does. At least she is now far more open. Happily enough, she has transitioned back to her talkative self and I was really listening to her.

Anna loves chocolate. Her neighbor taught her how to play guitar. Her dad was a surgeon. Her mother was an interior designer. She can play three instruments. She cries too easily. She is terrible at lying. She is also an only child and she has never been in love.

In a few minutes of more strolling, I start feeling drops of water falling over us and before we knew it, we were taking cover under the roof of a shop.

"My place isn't far. I'm just living in with my friend Rapunzel." Anna says, while I offer a skeptical look. I almost thought it was too late.

Hans was going to expect me tomorrow and I still had to go to school.

Her smile faltered slightly, seeing that I am unable to catch up after a few steps. "I'm sorry, Anna. This is as far as I can go." I say truly and squeeze her shoulder. Her frown wasn't huge but I knew she was holding it back.

"That's okay." She shrugs like its completely fine. "I'll see you some other time."

I offer an apologetic smile before running back home soaked and confusingly heavy hearted.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Hey, something wrong?" Hans snaps me out of my trance and I blink back tears after realizing that I have been staring at the sunlight for too long. We were in the school's library and it was lunch break.

"Nothing," I shake my head and continue typing something down on his laptop. "Just thought about something."

"Alright," He obviously wasn't convinced but he didn't go further within the topic, though I really wanted to.

How can I be so stupid? Why did Anna make me feel so... sad?

Did I like her?

 _Am I gay?_

I didn't mention it before. It never crossed my mind at all, though I knew she had made me feel something.

I smile to myself. _No. It could just be a phase. It'll be over before I knew it._

I continue the progress I have done for him while he does the rest and right after, with his really annoying insisting, we stroll around again and talk. Hans was nice to me, nicer than he is to other people from what I can see.

What if I tried liking him? Maybe these 'feelings' could disappear if I tried.

He and I have been working on this thesis for three days and we were halfway through, It was crazy. He had been thanking me for the amazing help and we have been good friends since then.

Without noticing, Hans had dragged me over to his frat's table and had introduced me to his friends.

"You've got yourself quite a catch, Hans!" I hear his friend yell out, followed by a curled whistle.

"Guys, you know Elsa," Hans gestures to me. I wave over to them miserably.

"Damn, Westergaard! Elsa Ryans?!" The guy in the jacket cracks up and I feel myself go red. "The lady's already got a man!"

What?

I could feel Hans bite his lip from behind me. I turn to him and give a pissed look. "I don't have a boyfriend." I tell the boys who start hollering. It was as if they had pushed me down and kicked my stomach. I felt helpless.

"Whaaaat?" One guy puts his hands up in surrender. The drunk bastard. "Looks like you've got a damn chick to knock up-!"

"Guys, fuck off." Hans gets in front of me. "Leave her alone."

Somehow, that shut the guys up and I had even realized that there were people watching the scene, I was mortified. I could feel my jaw tighten and breathing was so much harder to do. I could feel my heart beating outside my chest and I had the biggest urge to cry.

"Hans, let's go." I choke out and he turns around to pull me the other direction. The crowd seemed to follow my eyes and I didn't dare look back.

Hans and I stop at the stadium and we take our seats on the audience area.

"I'm sorry about them." Hans takes my shaking hands and squeezes them tightly as he tries looking into my eyes.

I muster a nod but I could tell I had started crying.

He takes me in his shirt and I hiccup into it, taking a few whiffs of his cologne. "I'm so sorry, Elsa. They're assholes, all of them. Including me."

I wanted to tell him it wasn't their fault. I wanted to tell him my crying didn't involve any of them. I wanted to tell him I was useless and that I didn't know how to handle such a small matter.

I pull back and shove my face in my hands. "Hans, don't be... Don't be sorry for me." My muffled voice hiccups beneath my palms. I feel him pull my hands away from my face and I slowly give in. This was so fucking embarrassing, I wanted the ground to swallow me up and bury me alive. He looks at my reddened, tearstained face and offers me his handkerchief which I gratefully take and blow into. "I won't let them hurt you." Hans puts a hand on my arm but I push him away quickly.

"No, don't touch me." I say with horror in my voice. I was so sorry he had to be in the situation. But he didn't look sorry for himself. I saw nothing in his face. But when he looked at me, I felt a third degree burn.

"I'm going to stay away from them," he promised me to which he knew I wouldn't agree to. "If it means making you comfortable."

"Hans, no. It's not that. It's something else-"

"Then anything. Anything to make you comfortable."

Haven't I dropped enough hints for this idiot? How many times do I have to say it over and over again?

"I just want to be alone." I say breathlessly.

Hans shakes his head. Not in disapproval but as if he had something else to say to me.

"Then I want to be alone with you." He whispered, calming me down. "I'm your friend. I want to be here for you. Change your perspective of what they think of you. Elsa, you're beautiful. I've been wanting to talk to you since... I don't know, the first few glances I've made of you.

"This may be too sudden but I've been digging for answers since day one. And this final thesis. Those shitty stacks of paper was my key to graduating...

And finally having the courage to actually talk to you before leaving Brown."

Did he... _Like me?_ I was slowly piecing it together. Is this why he's been trying to get on my nerves? And the thesis? And everything else? How can someone like him like a hopeless introvert like me? I won't get him anywhere except dead on the side of a road. I behold nothing he needed.

"Elsa." His look was stern but I looked away and stared at the ground. "Elsa look at me-"

"Hans! I can't, okay?!" I almost scream at him and get up. I felt like a flimsy idiot, he wouldn't just let me run off. He could lift me over his head and toss me somewhere, I was too weak to even fight back. After a few breaths, I begin crying like a lost child. "I'm sorry. But I feel overwhelmed and dizzy and I just want to go home now-!"

"I'm taking you home then."

I shake my head loosely and turn to run off.

I couldn't face him tomorrow.

I don't plan to. I don't know if I'm ever going to face him again.

Right after the things he said, right after the things I've done, I could never get back.

But I guess it's better off this way;

Alone.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

 **Author's note: Hey, guys. I've just watched Titanic and I'm bawling my eyes out. I've never watched it before (I sound impossible) and when I saw the scene with the band continuing to play as the ship began to sink, I completely lost it.**

 **School is almost coming for me (not from the states) and I am seriously not ready to go back, I enjoy it here a million times more. I kinda wish summer would last longer (I get back at June 22, a bit far but close) so I could visit the countryside, go horseback riding and non stop campfire evenings with my cousins and brother.**

 **It's been a tiring day so I'll see you guys soon.**

 **Instagram: musicalnerd24601**

 **Tumblr: random_zebra27**

 **Twitter: akh_andre**

 **May you all find true happiness X**


	8. Chapter 8

I hated feeling this way. Sad, broken, humiliated, hurt, lost, messed up. Especially if you feel it all at the same time.

I hated this day. And I couldn't believe what had just happened. Why couldn't I just face this? It was a _small_ scene. I couldn't handle it like I should. Like I was supposed to. Like an adult who didn't need her parents. But hiding here in her apartment, was a total coward who was almost wrong about everything.

I hate myself. I hate what I am. I hate my opinions, my thoughts and my beliefs. I no longer trusted myself. I couldn't risk following my own instincts into danger.

Like how I never should have talked to Hans when I had the chance. Like when I never should have taken creative writing. Like when I never should have left home just when I realized I couldn't do shit by myself. Where was I going to go? I had no idea how to handle something so meaningless. I almost thought about one day being married and having children. But how was I going to do this if I can't even confront a guy? A guy who had just openly admitted his feelings for me and I run off on him. I need to be more confident. Assertive, just as Anna had thought me to be.

I was none of that.

As I lie motionless on my bed, I stare at the ceiling and try to avert my attention elsewhere.

It was already three in the afternoon and I had nothing to do. I really didn't want Hans to come over today so I made sure my door was locked since he just usually comes inside and bombards the place with his personality.

But then why couldn't I just give him a chance? He's been getting my unwanted attention and I just shoved him away. If he really did like me, why couldn't he just do it the usual way? Flowers and chocolate, I think. Me having a boyfriend was a rumor and I was actually glad everyone had believed it. But Hans didn't know and I guess that's why he approached me.

I felt my confusion slowly drowning me with frustration. I think I had almost had a hard time breathing.

Until someone had knocked on my door. Rhythmically.

I regain my senses and check through my door hole on who was standing outside and I see Anna.

How the _hell_ did she find my apartment?

I open the door slowly and I see her bright smile and her holding a paper bag.

"Hi!" She gleams at me. "Can I come in?"

I open the door wide for her and she starts panning around my place.

"Wow, fancy place you got here." She didn't stop spinning. "I kinda wish I lived somewhere like this."

"You're... homeless?"

"Not really, I live with my friend who is already in college. It's a good thing she doesn't make me pay rent!" Anna sighs and then starts unraveling the thing she brought. "Why are you here? I almost forgot that you're supposed to be in school!"

I look down at her hands and sit in front of her. "I needed some time off. And... How do you know where I live?"

"Oh! Well, Gwen asked me to come over here. She saw you go home and told me to pay a visit, she knows you're kinda lonely."

My expression faltered slightly, thinking that maybe Gwen would have been a more comforting guest than Anna. But I understood she was busy.

"I brought you a burrito." She looks up timidly. It's almost as if she knew what was going on. "To lift your spirits real high."

"Um... Thanks." I take it slowly and set it on my lap.

"And! We can totally watch How I Met Your Mother, because this makes me feel so much better whenever I feel down or something..." She trails off as she plugs in her hard drive near my television.

I have never seen How I Met Your Mother and I don't plan to since I was never a television person.

"I don't watch TV. Maybe you can talk about yourself more?" I suggest courageously. I never expected myself to disagree on something like this.

Anna looks up at me then goes back to pluck her hard drive out. "I can tell you a story."

"A... Story?"

"Yeah, it's this old tale I've heard about when I was much younger. Wanna hear? It's pretty short."

I nod my head anyway.

"Okay I'm going to start." She sits cross legged on my couch and pulls one blanket out for me. "There once was a lonely man named Khal who wandered the earth by himself in search for a purpose. He traveled many lands to prove himself worthy as to look for a title he must earn.

"One day, he comes upon a remote kingdom where he falls in love with their princess, Alisa who is forbidden to marry anyone who is not of royal blood. Soon after, Alisa begins to returns the feelings and had vowed to run away with him to get married. But she held a secret. That if she was to leave the kingdom, she would die because her soul stays at the heart of the city, which keeps her people living and fertile with crops and wheat.

"So she has told Khal that she would promise him 3,000 summers meaning an almost everlasting life.

As midnight had come and the kingdom had fallen asleep, Alisa and Khal offer their vows at the heart of the city where each of them had united themselves and had began to leave for the next kingdom. With Khal on his horse and Alisa just in front of him, they ride off to the deserts without Khal knowing that he is already blessed with 3,000 summers as Alisa had slowly died in his arms."

I blink twice at her while she smiles cheekily at me.

"The end!" She chirps and stands back up to snatch my burrito. "So, Elsa. Where's the microwave?"

"Um the kitchen. Next to the fridge." I get up with her to assist her in the kitchen and I take out a pitcher of pink lemonade.

"Got any friends at school? Or maybe at home?"

"... No, not really." I say as I pull out two glasses. "There's one guy named Hans. But he's just some acquaintance."

"That's okay." She beams at me and just after that, the microwave beeps at us. "Burrito's ready!"

"Let's split it in half. I'm not that hungry." I sit back at the couch and pull the blanket over my chest.

"How 'bout a boyfriend? You're pretty." Anna returns and sits next to me.

I shake my head, almost as if she's expected my answer.

"Then let's be friends." Anna bounces on my couch, making me slightly nauseous. "Besties!"

"O-Okay." I stammer, head still pulled in motion.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

 **Hey, guys. Sorry if this chapter is kind of short. I've been really busy and plus I'm kind of sick so I can't do as much as I usually do. I've been to a few places which don't have any wifi so I had to wait. Plus, I've spent time with my cousins camping out for a few days; I couldn't find a single source of wifi anywhere (duh, wilderness).**

 **Anyway, have a great day X**

 **IG: musicalnerd24601**

 **Twitter: akh_andre**

 **Or you can just, like, email me in my account :)**


	9. Chapter 9

Of course, I had to go to school tomorrow so I avoided Hans as much as I could. I obviously also had to talk to the dean who literally just let me off the hook without a warning.

I spent the rest of my week running and hiding whenever I hear 'there she is!' Or 'she's over there!' And manage to almost get caught alive by Hans.

Not to mention, I take my lunch behind bushes now.

I haven't been spending my nights at palace for a while so I haven't seen Anna either since her visit. But I promised myself that I would go there on Friday.

XxXx

Friday afternoon

Today, I let my guard down completely as I ate my sushi behind a huge bush. I didn't even notice anyone coming closer.

"Hi." I jump awt the sound and accidentally drop one maki.

"Sorry to scare you." _Shit._

It was a golden haired girl with green eyes and a purple sweater.

"I just saw you behind this bush and-"

Alright. Assertive.

"I'm really sorry. If you stay here any longer, you're going to attract people I'm trying to avoid. So if you don't mind-"

"I'll just have to squat low next to you."

I no longer say a word. I sit far from her as possible.

"My name's Rapunzel Fitzherbert." She smiles at me. I forcefully smile back and return to my lunch. "I take MMA."

"That's good." I nod at her then look away.

"You're Elsa Ryans." She says, almost awestruck. "You take film directing."

"Sure." I mutter.

"I mean, everyone knows you!" She laughs softly, then it turns awkward after she notices that I didn't laugh back. I hear her swallow a bit as she gets up. "Um, anyway I should go... School stuff. I'll see you some other time."

I give a small wave and she steps out of the bush. I finish my lunch and discreetly race over to the library.

It was usually empty during lunch time but since the seniors are graduating, a few of them had their laptops on and books sprawled around them.

I walk to the farthest side of the room and do a little studying until,

"Elsa," I hear a sharp whisper.

 _Fuck._

 _Fuck._

 _This is bad._

I had just gotten here, Jesus Christ. Can't anyone leave me alone?

It was Mr. Sideburns. Standing in front of me and blocking the light above me.

My hands and body were glued to the table. And if they weren't, what was the point if he was going to chase after me anyway?

"Elsa. Don't go anywhere." Hans tried to keep me calm, though in my head I was writhing on my chair. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Hans I'm sorry. It's better off if we went different ways."

Hans shook his head and pulls me out behind the building. No one was there, thank god.

"Listen, Goddammit." He was still gentle. "I haven't spoken to them since that day. Just... Let's start over. I'm sorry."

"I told you, it isn't them." I didn't want to cry in a silent place. Other people could probably hear us arguing here and I just hated thinking about it. "I can never face big crowds. I hate being... The center. I can't deal with anything like that. I'm not you, I'm going to embarrass you."

"Screw them, Elsa. They know nothing about you." He grips my shoulders and made me look him straight in the eyes. "I'm not going to let them hurt you. Trust me."

I shake my head at him. "I trust no one. I'm afraid of everything and that's what I know about myself."

"There's nothing to be afraid of." He took my face in his hands and I felt utter warmth. He felt raw and honest. Somehow it made me feel dizzy and magical. "Because when you're with me... You're going to be safe."

I pull him down to the ground because I had felt myself lose balance and we were both just sitting there, almost bundled with him.

I felt a burn that hurt so well, it was good.

I finally look at him with my eyes in the verge of embarrassed tears.

"Can we start over?"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

 **Now I apologize for real. This is a short chapter and there isn't much to say about this, I guess but I'll be making another one soon!**

 **In case any of you guys were wondering, the story about Khal and Alisa isn't a real legend or folklore or tale or whatever you want to call it. It's mine but it's also IN A WAY inspired by Atlantis (you know, the movie). And I kind of got the name Khal from Game of Thrones (probably some people could already point that out XD) while Alisa is a girl in my neighborhood. I got the 3,000 summers idea from when I watched Titanic. It's a scene in which there was a mother who had been telling her kids a story about someone living happily ever after for 300 years but I kind of changed mine and maybe added a little more years for this guy XD**

 **Anyway, you guys deserve to have a great day today and everyday.**

 **Thanks for reading X**


	10. Chapter 10

"Elsa, that's amazing! I'm so happy for you!" Anna had gripped my arms and began jumping around. Her strength had forced me to jump along with her as we spun around my apartment on a lazy Saturday evening. Anna had finished her performance early. Starting at six in the evening and ending at seven- thirty. Right after, I had let her follow me home. "I can't believe you've got yourself a boyfriend! And that quick!"

"He's not technically my boyfriend. But I told him to go slow, he's courting me." I shook against her warm movements.

I still felt wrong somehow. Empty, incomplete and even a bit lost. I didn't know what I was looking for and I had no idea what I was trying to get to. Hans was courting me, but I don't remember ever feeling excited or giddy about the situation. Maybe I just needed this relationship thing to sink in.

As for what I secretly see in Anna, I don't seem to find it dying. She had made me sick in all the most unwanted places I could ever think of. I just had to rub off my feelings all over Hans, that way it could actually go away.

Anna looks at me and goofily bites her lip.

"I know this is a very personal question but... Are you a virgin?"

I don't find it offensive at all, so I nod my head slowly.

"You're a _virgin_?!" Anna drops us on the couch. "Impossible."

"I am." I argued at her. "There is not a single chance for me to ever have intercourse with anyone, I'm an almost potato."

I could feel Anna crawl up to hug me like she was a little monkey. "I like potatoes." She said warmly, almost drunk. "They're mushy and delicious."

"So is squash." I murmur, staring at the ceiling.

At some point, Anna had officially become by almost best friend. I mean, I had no one else. The closest I could get to socializing without emotional stress was with her though sometimes I feel something around this girl.

Anna lets go of me and scrambles to get her guitar.

"Elsa, can you sing for me?" She asks with her guitar in her arms. "I play and you sing!"

"Mm... Sorry, I don't sing." She sits back down and crosses her legs, facing me.

"Aw, well." She snorts. "I'll do it then. Surely you know this song!"

I shrug my shoulders and then she starts plucking a beautiful tune I've heard so many times before, it chilled me a bit to hear it after so long.

What song was this again? I knew it so well before. I sang this for music class in first grade. I remember crying as I sang it, nervous and shy like I always was.

Then she stops.

"The song's over?" I ask stupidly.

She giggles a bit and shakes her head. "Sorry, just warming up." Anna clears her throat harshly, it startled me a bit on how rough this girl actually was. She was almost like a little boy, it made me smirk a bit.

"Wait!" I jump and run to my room to get my video camera. "I just really need a snippet of this. For a project."

"Mkay," she says and I sit back down and open the camera.

She looks down at her guitar I had started to record.

Anna smiles at the camera cheekily and begins plucking again.

I grew frustrated as to what this song could be. I'm not sure if I even remember the lyrics.

 _"Moon river, wider than a mile_

 _I'm crossing you in style someday."_

I felt my eyes widen. Of course, I knew this song.

 _"Old dream maker, you heartbreaker_

 _Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way."_ Anna's eyes were closed, feeling the entire song and its meaning, I could almost hear her breath hitch.

 _"Two drifters, off to see the world_

 _There's such a lot of world to see  
We're after the same rainbow's end, waitin' 'round the bend  
My huckleberry friend, Moon River, and me.."_

I clap my hands for her in astonishment, smiling and laughing while she makes a bow as she giggled happily.

"Thank you! Thank you, Rhode Island!" She giggled and it made my heart skip contently.

The nights I took which consisted of moments like this were the best nights I could ask for. I felt like I was back home, enjoying my old dark room.

Except with beautiful music playing as I lay deep in thought. And I smiled.

XxXxXxXxXxXx

Hans held my hand for the first few days. Sometimes he put a hand around my shoulder or waist. I told him not to do it in public, but having him do it to me whenever we were alone felt the same for me. It took about an almost month for me to say yes to him, but still I felt nothing.

Nothing but slight satisfaction. I don't know why, but I could just be too desperate to want this. I didn't, but my relationship with Hans held something else for me. It actually held a purpose.

My relationship with him was a distraction. I don't know what I'm avoiding, but I'm about to find out.

"How are you?" He whispered in my ear. I nod in response.

We were inside the library. No one was in here except us, as I continued helping him with his thesis though he had already told me I didn't have to.

Though this didn't feel like a real relationship, I still wanted to be useful. I didn't want it to end just yet.

"I'm okay." I whisper back. "Just tired."

"Then you can stop." Hans didn't look at me, eyes still glued to his laptop screen. "I told you, don't have to do this anymore."

I yawn, putting my head on his shoulder. "I'll just take a small break. I like helping you."

Hans sighs. Not in irritation, but I hear content.

"Elsa?" His expression changes to nervous.

"Hm?"

"Do you... Trust me more? You know I'd never break a promise." I could feel him look at my hair.

"Well, yeah. You're my... Boyfriend. If you say you won't let anyone hurt me, then I'll believe you."

"Alright." He breathes out in relief. "And as a couple, we have to be honest with each other."

"Yeah." I didn't care much but I said it anyway.

"Tell me... Anytime you want. If you're _ready_. If you're feeling anything."

I look up at him and his eyes are back on the screen.

"Ready for what?"

He bites his upper lip. "I'll tell you if you tell me."

I put my head back down and purse my lips back.

Of course I knew what he was talking about.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

 **Good morning/afternoon/evening to you guys. I don't have much to do today so I made a chapter. I literally lay in bed all day. I'm going to gain more chub soon, but eh. More chapters are coming soon! I'm not going to end it too quickly! I'll try to finish this story (I don't think I've ever finished a story before..).**

 **Yesterday, I had gone out and bought myself tickets to see Idina Menzel with my mom and for real, I cried on the way home. I really want to see Pentatonix! My dad might buy me their tickets as well, this summer has been amazing!**

 **IG- musicalnerd24601**

 **Twitter- akh_andre**

 **Have a great day everyone X**


	11. Chapter 11

Hans walked me home today. It felt like any other afternoon and I knew instantly that I was going to have dinner at Palace. Anna was probably there by now and was maybe performing.

"I'll pick you up for school tomorrow." His hand made a way to my cheek as he caressed it slightly.

Followed by his face moving in to mine. But I jerk back a bit, startling him.

"Okay, See you tomorrow." I push him a bit, trying not to offend him.

He just offers a tiny smile and walks back downstairs.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I pull out my keys to unlock my door.

Which to my surprise, is open.

I swore I had left it locked since I had to come back twice after forgetting my wallet.

I step inside and I can already smell food. Whoever the hell this burglar is, he or she is very hospitable.

And apparently, is very comparable with my apartment space, seeing that there is a scattered coat and bag on my couch.

I take the mop near me and slowly make my way towards the kitchen wall to take a peek.

"Elsa!"

I drop my mop and I couldn't believe my own eyes.

"... _Mother?"_ Oh my god. What the fuck was she doing here? I almost wished I had gone straight to Palace.

There were a million questions coming straight into my mind and I stood there, staring as she made fried chicken. I was horrified.

She turns the stove off and came rushing to me with a hug.

Where did she find the guts to visit me all the way here when she obviously knew she had done something wrong and will never take back everything she had done and said?

I knew myself too well. Too well to even stand up for myself, which I never did. I never talked back to her, neither did I talk back to dad.

Even as an adult, I had nothing to prove.

Except for one moment in my life.

That's right. She knew nothing about the abuse. She was always too drunk to realize anything.

"Aren't you glad to see me?!" She said enthusiastically. I was disgusted. "I haven't seen you since you were high school! Honey, I missed you so much."

Of course she did. She didn't even bother going to my own graduation. Kris did everything my mother was too irresponsible to do.

Kris had chosen my prom dress. Kris understood that I did not want a super sweet sixteen so she took me to see Dreamgirls and My Fair Lady. Kris dropped me off from the airport on my way to college. Kris comforted me when my mom had embarrassed me during a wedding and I had been hiding in the comfort room for half the entire reception. She was a real mother. And I was so jealous of David.

"I missed you too." I forced out. She obviously did not remember our last argument, which was at home while I packed for Brown.

She had thrown a wine bottle at me and that was when she really drew the line. I was eighteen and very, very lost.

"How did you get in here?" I ask her, not making any eye contact.

Her expression changed to a more disappointed look. "Oh,Your dad's whore dropped the key off to me. Told me where you were staying." Then she smiles. "I'm so happy to see you, Elsa. You've gotten thinner and you're just as beautiful as the last time I had seen you."

I was furious. I can't believe Kris gave the spare keys to her. Those keys were duplicated for Kris only because I always welcomed her in my apartment, enough for her to go inside whenever she wanted.

"Where is Kris?" I almost demand, except it came out as a pathetic whisper.

"She came over to our house, sweetie. Your birthday is coming up so she thought it was a good idea for me to pay you a visit." Mom drops her arms and gets back to the kitchen to finish the fried chicken. "I'll be staying for a few days. Surely you won't mind."

I felt like crying; I always did when I was with her. She was my childhood bully, no one else was. Then again, a few days wouldn't hurt anyone.

As long as I kept her away from a few things.

"Yeah." I say breathlessly and step out to my terrace.

I call it a terrace, though it was just a roof under my apartment. Which is admittedly very dangerous.

I dial in Kris's number and wait for her to pick up. The fifth ring came and still nothing.

Until I was told to leave a message so I put my phone down and walked back inside.

"I was going to eat out tonight. Supposed to me a friend." I mutter at her, still in the kitchen. My mother didn't hold any expression of disappointment or anger. It was blank and it made me nervous.

"You can always tell them." She whined a little bit. I was a bit more conscious now after realizing that she was closer to the knife drawer. She was so close to stabbing me once. Third degree burns weren't very common but they happened.

I nod my head at her, giving her the understanding that I was staying.

I called Anna on the phone to apologize and force myself to engage a conversation while eating her food.

"How's college?" She looks up at me while I bother not to.

"Fine." I mumble.

"Got a boyfriend?"

Should I lie? Was she going to do anything to Hans? Rape him? Blackmail me? Was she going to lecture me about sex?

I nod my head stiffly. "His name is Hans."

She chews on her food silently. Then swallows. "Have you done it yet."

"Um... No."

"Be honest with me, Elsa."

I let out a very quiet whisper, hopefully she wouldn't realize I had just said something. "You can't ask things like that."

Unfortunately, she did.

"I have all the right. I am your mother and I want to know what's happening to my own daughter. If you had sex-"

"No, mother we didn't do anything." I shook off, already prepared with what was going to come at me.

A fork?

A fist?

Her dish?

Or a frying pan?

Instead, she stands up and looks around. "Got any whiskey? Any alcohol, at least."

"No." It came out ridiculously. "I don't drink."

Right after dinner, I washed the dishes while she sat on the couch and watched the news.

I might as well give Kris another call and maybe stop by to see Anna if I still had time. Mom will just have to sleep on the couch since I had no guest room. Then maybe try to keep her away from trouble.

"Where is the nearest bar?" She starts demanding a bit.

"I don't know." I say from the kitchen. _It was two blocks away_. "I don't think there are bars here."

"I'm going to look for one." She pulls out her coat and bag from my couch and stands up. "Stay here. I won't take long. I might bring some home for us."

I should probably stop her now.

I walk out over to her and take her hand.

"Mom, no. There aren't any bars here. Stay home." Maybe except the Rhode Island Billiard Bar. "We should talk more-"

"In a while, Elsa. I just really need this." She was making her way to the door and making the really wrong choice, I block it.

"But, haven't you had enough before getting here? I-I mean you can have water-"

"Had enough?" She laughs, like everything was going to be completely fine afterwards. "I can never have enough of it. It's my vitamin!" I could already sense her inner serial killer coming out as she shoved me away from the door and made her way out of the building.

It's this all over again. Absolute shit.

I walk over to the phone and dial in Kris's phone again.

Someone answers at the fifth ring. "Hello?" It was a kid.

"Hello, David?" I guessed it was him.

"Yeeeaaahh?" He whined innocently at the phone.

"Can I please talk to your mommy? This is your aunt Elsa." I said hastily and soon, I hear him yelling out to Kris.

"Elsa? Hi-"

"Kris," I held back a frustrated groan. "Why did you give mom the apartment keys?"

"Oh, that." Her voice fell. "I thought it was a good idea for you guys to meet up with each other. To see how well you've been doing. And I thought she could surprise you on the way there."

"Kris, why?" I almost felt destroyed. Of course, Kris had no awful intention. She always knew what was best for me and her kid. I wouldn't blame her for doing this but I know there's no turning back now since I accidentally let my mom slip past me and to a bar.

"Elsa," her voice was firm and motherly. "She is your mother. She wanted to see you. Please, just do this for her. You're going to be twenty one soon, don't let her ruin your special day. Just celebrate with her."

I gnawed the inside of my cheek in thought. How will I ever enjoy with her? She has ruined three of my parties as a kid. Ditched me four times and forgot my birthday every year.

"Look, Hon." She pulled me out of thought. "I'll just have to see you on your birthday with your father. I'll bring David along."

"You're coming here?" I gasped.

"Psh, wouldn't miss it for the world." I can hear her smiling through the other line.

I put the phone down and got myself ready for bed before my mother could arrive home.

Once I was ready, I had locked myself in my bedroom and put my earphones on to block the loud noise I knew I was about to hear.

XxXxXxXxXxXx

" _ELSA?!"_ I jerk myself awake and pull my earphones out. "Elsa, open the fucking door!"

I knew it. She was very drunk and she was banging loudly on my door. But it didn't sound like a fist. More like metal or a hard solid against the wood.

"I'm high as a kite!" She slurred loudly outside and I was so disgusted. I just hate her so much. "Idiots like you and your father don't deserve me! Your dad's whore was stupid enough to stick with both of you!"

And she just kept going on and on about herself. Drunk people were usually honest, so I had always believed everything this woman would tell me.

" _Well, you know what?_ I'm not leaving! Why would I leave Andrew if I knew he was a fucking rich bastard?!" I always knew this. My mom never really loved my dad. She used to have money herself. She was very beautiful and had such a good life ahead of her. I'm not sure if she still has her racist friends back at home but I could tell she wasn't too lonely.

"When you graduate college, you're going to make millions! You're going to fuck so many men with that face and body! Hell, I could even sell you!"

I didn't care anymore. But I knew I will never listen to her. I try blocking the sound of her yelling. She called me an insane whore over and over again but she didn't stop until 3am when she had probably passed out in front of my door.

One day. One day she will realize something.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

 **Okay, we all know Idun isn't a bitch but here, she kind of is (Sorry?). She's not technically Idun, just my version of her.**

 **Hope y'all liked this chapter. I'll be updating soon! Ily you guys! :)) X**


	12. Chapter 12

My alarm had woken me up at 5:30, my usual time and I find my mother resting almost lifelessly on the couch. I recall her making those absurd noises against my door which had turned out to be very scarred from being beaten by my iron thongs.

I still can't believe I'll have to deal with something as crappy as this for a few days. She didn't even mention how long her stay will be but hopefully not for an entire week.

She had made such a mess in the living room. There were three empty bottles on my coffee table and a pile of vomit at one corner of the room.

It's a good thing she didn't push down my TV or at least anything expensive and breakable.

I kind of wondered how awful this place will look like within three days. My vase probably has two days left until I see it shattered on the floor and my apartment will smell like ranch dressing and urine before she even leaves this place.

I cook breakfast for the both of us, leaving orange slices and a glass of water in front of my mom before leaving for a jog.

The atmosphere was cold and a little foggy like it sometimes was. I jog around my area, past Palace and to the other direction where I expected Anna's place to be.

I didn't exactly know where she was staying but she had mentioned this road and I walk past it. There were a couple more buildings I went past until around twenty minutes, I walk back to it.

I don't see any Anna among the buildings but I see someone else.

It was that Rapunzel girl who came up to me one time. She was hanging up a blanket sheet on her terrace.

"Good morning!" Apparently, she saw me and I had to look back.

I give her a wave. "Morning."

"I didn't know you were down there!" She giggled and rested her arms on the railing. "It's a pleasure seeing you."

"Thanks." I fake laugh and turn around. "I'm going to have to take a shower now-"

"Wait!" She called and I look back. "Maybe... You'd wanna walk over later? I'd like to know you better."

She sounded really sweet. I hated turning her down but I knew Hans was going to pick me up and I just didn't want to cross anyone when I'm with him.

"Sorry... I don't think that's a good idea. It's just that... I prepare really late. Wouldn't want to disturb your schedule."

"Oh, alright." She didn't want to sigh in front of me, so she beamed. "I'll just see you in school then."

I jog away from her and back to my apartment where my mother had woken up and had just puked all over my fleece blanket. Gosh, can't this woman ever make it to the bathroom? She wasn't that old. She could still hit me and it would really hurt, so she should have just the same amount of strength to walk over to the toilet.

"Hi, darling." She cooed at me, and I backed away slightly. "Everything that happened last night was such a blur!"

"Is that so?" I mumbled as I stared at her waste. "Why don't you clean yourself? To freshen up."

"Yeah, you're right. I feel awful." She stands up, pushing my blanket aside and heading for the bathroom.

I take my blanket and put it inside a garbage bag. I should remind myself to burn it later. Along with my soon to be ruined towel. I couldn't _wait_ to get to school.

Soon after I ate breakfast, she did and I showered. That's when Hans had showed up.

"You must be Elsa's boyfriend!" She moaned, still insanely hungover from last night. "I'm her mama.."

"Yeah. Um, where is she?" I hear his muffled voice through two doors.

"She's takin' a shower. She'll... Be out soon." Mom slurred loudly.

I dressed up quickly, slipping in a random dress and a blue cardigan before running out the door with Hans trailing behind me.

"So, that's your mother?" He said incredulously.

"Apparently." I roll my eyes as we walk down the stairs. "She's staying for my birthday."

"Oh, I thought you hated her-?"

"My dad's girlfriend gave her the key, why would I ever welcome her in my apartment?" I almost yelled. I almost yelled at Hans for something he shouldn't even be involved in. "... I'm sorry, I'm just mad and-"

"No, it's okay. It's just until your birthday." He takes my shoulders and looks me in the eyes with his green orbs. "If anything happens between you guys, call me. I'll be there as soon as possible."

I push him away and we keep walking. "That's fine. I don't need help, I can take her myself."

"Elsa, I've seen your door." He counters. "If she ever tries to hurt you, let me know."

"It's just a stupid door, I can replace it." Can I cry? Was it okay to cry in front of him? He wouldn't get mad, right? He wouldn't hit me and call me a useless waste of time?

But I didn't want to cry in front of him.

"Hans... I need to be somewhere for lunchtime. Is it okay if you went alone?"

He didn't question it. He knew how upset I had gotten and maybe had missed the point that I was going to do something far less important than he had expected.

"Okay." He decides and we go straight to school with just a few further words and I was back in class, listening to a lecture.

I hated my mother. She hated me back. She had hurt me. Left me. Embarrassed me. Offended me.

But she was my mom. My flesh and blood. She had given birth to me and I had no choice but to respect her and treat her like how a daughter should treat her parents.

I didn't find anything wrong with giving a little respect. I just didn't want her around to ruin bits of my life anymore. And now that she wants to be a part of me, I couldn't help but say yes to her even when there were so many possible things she could do.

What if she hurts my future children? She could burn my house down. Bring a stranger in to rob the place. Anything bad.

Lunch rolled in slow after a few more lectures and I made my way to a bench and put my feet up as I hugged them. There, I pull out my phone and I call someone.

She picks it up on the third ring. "Elsa?" Anna asks, it was loud on the other end. "Something the matter?"

"A-Anna, hi." I shook a little and sat on the grass. "I just... Really need your advice."

"Oh, sure. I'm not that busy, go ahead."

I take a deep breath and I had no idea where to start. Why was I even sharing this with her if she probably didn't want to hear any of this?

It was silent for a while and I was sure she could hear me breathing heavy.

"You still there?" She spoke up and I sigh.

"Yeah." I tell her. "Still here."

"... Are you okay? You sound a bit troubled." I hated the sound of her voice. It was too comforting. Too warm and welcoming.

"I'm okay." I nod to myself. I was already starting to regret calling her. "Just stressed."

"Okay. You should take deep breaths and drink lots of water. How are you feeling?"

I looked around, overwhelmed and disappointed with myself. Like I always did, except this moment held an emphasis.

"Useless." I tell her. Am I using the right word? I wasn't sure. But it was accurate.

"Elsa, you should tell someone." Anna was obviously worried and I hated myself for letting her.

If anyone knew my points of view, they would all realized how fucking complicated I can be. Not in an intimidating way but a way when people get irritated at you for not making up your mind. They would all get fed up for observing my patterns of rejection and redundancy and if ever they really did, I wouldn't argue with them.

"I don't know, you're the only person I want to talk to, I just can't." I was shaking and I was angry. It was obvious that Anna knew I wasn't going to tell anyone.

"Elsa, it's okay. Calm down." Anna was hasty on the other end. She was probably walking.

"Anna, I'm sorry for calling- I'm so sorr-"

"Don't be. Look, just stay where you are and tell me everything."

But I couldn't. Why did I call her if I didn't have the courage to tell her anything.

And then I knew why.

I didn't want her to listen. I wanted to hear her speaking.

"Anna... I'm not okay." I admitted as I cried and I sounded incredibly stupid. "I don't... I can't talk."

"That's okay," Anna always said whenever I said no. It made my head spin on how many times she had told me it was okay. Did she mean something?

Was everything going to be okay with her?

"I'll sing for you." Anna said and it was buzzy on her end. "You don't have to talk. Just listen."

I nod even though she wouldn't exactly see it.

I hear her clear her throat for a bit as she hums a melodious tune I have never heard of before, but as always, very eager to listen.

" _Down by the waters where I once dreamed, beneath the silver moon they will find me._

 _My heart pilgrim, my mind a slave oh my eyes can't stand to see the light of day._

 _'Cause life is lost without love when you say._ "

To my surprise, the song Anna had chosen was much calmer and had a melancholic tune to it. It's something out of her mind to probably think of, judging by her usually upbeat and quick strumming music taste. My heart is beating at one point as she explains to me that there was a small guitar solo between the first and second verse, which I offer a chuckle towards.

" _I want you to would follow, me to my peace, and then meet your hands all beneath your knees._

 _My love is faithful, your love is true  
And I know the silver moon will shine for you  
_ _Oh! I know the silver moon will shine for you._ "

She goes back to the first humming tune and for a split second, a parallel universe had opened up for me to take over and for once, I hear something so beautiful, it's deafening.

 _Silence._

"I hope you liked it." Anna's shy voice tuned out on my phone. I shook my head on it slowly with a smile.

"I loved it, it was beautiful." I say like a whisper but she got the message and replied with a:

"Elsa, I'm sorry I couldn't be there to comfort you. I hope you're feeling better."

"I am." It was sort of a lie, I was still troubled but at that short moment, she got me to forget it.

And that was how greatly she pulled me.

 _"Thank you."_

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

 **GUYS SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE OMG. I have been crazy busy and I almost forgot I was writing this!**

 **I've been to a couple places and I'll be even more busy in the near future. The last few days, I had been to this fancy party which got me really tired and I got sick. And then cousin just arrived from the states so another party, and I had been working out (I'm back to my diet!) and now I'm here, finishing this chapter I had left for a couple days!**

 **Umm... Tomorrow, I'll be out the entire day playing tennis and the day after that, I'll be prepping for the PTX concert on June 6 and on June 7, I'm going to see Idina (it's in my bucket list!) and on June 11, my friends are inviting me to watch Insidious 3 at the mall! In between those dates, I might as well make the chapter and save money because by June 11, I'll be hardass broke.**

 **Thank you for reading, you guys are the best and maybe write a review/ PM me if you got anything to say!**

 **X**


	13. Chapter 13

After that tiring day and that phone call with Anna, I had no idea how to properly face her after school, especially now.

"Let's eat out for dinner. I don't think you'd be comfortable with your mother at home." Hans told me.

I said yes of course, because even if the reason wasn't mom, I would never say no. _It's an introvert thing_.

He picked this place called Walt's, a restaurant further from home and it was the kind of restaurant where you are usually forced the eat a three course meal.

Hans knew I hated eating.

Makes sense because maybe to him, upset girls eat. I was never in the mood for eating. But chocolate would make a good three course meal.

I ordered some salad while Hans ordered a big lobster. It didn't surprise me since he is also a big fan of football.

"How are you?" He asked me. I couldn't even look him in the eye.

"Good." I mumbled over my fork. Why didn't Hans notice any of this? How did he _not_ realize my level of shyness way before he started liking me? Maybe he didn't care. Is this how much he loved me? At first I never pictured a relationship. I never thought it was going to be this... Hard. I wasn't doing anything for this, it was just him.

When was he going to realize he never loved me at all? That he picked the wrong girl and that I would never make him happy?

I could never picture even kissing him. I believe I won't even get to feel it until he gets tired of me.

I can't picture having sex with him. There was no way I could see myself fucking this guy senseless and pleasuring him at all.

Somehow I was grateful for it.

"You should order more." He suggested but I was already full and eating didn't make me feel any better.

I shook my head, to his disappointment. I was almost a child to him. A boring one, at that.

"Maybe a glass of water."

Hans ordered the waiter then took my hand.

"Let's talk." He said, and I hated it when he did. "I don't want to see you like this... Maybe you'd want to stay over my place for the night-?"

"I... Don't think I can." I was surprised he had mentioned it. I just couldn't and I _really_ had to turn this down.

And besides, I didn't trust his friends at all. I'd either come out of that house dead, or knocked up. I wasn't ready.

"Then maybe I should sleep over at your place?" He offered. "She's probably out tonight drinking. It's not safe for you to be staying there alone. What if she hurts you?"

I wanted to turn him down. But if I did, I was afraid he would get mad at me. He was helping and I rejected his offers. What could possibly be his response to my disapproval?

"Actually... I'll be sleeping over at a friend's house. I asked them during break, they said it was okay."

Hans sighed, I'm not sure if it's from irritation or from relief because sighing means only one thing for me and it's usually negative.

Right after dinner, he brings me back to my apartment where I told him I'd get a few things.

He was right, mom was out drinking so the only thing that visibly belonged to her was a new pile of vomit.

At first, I was a bit lost.

I had asked no one to stay for a night at their place, but I was convincing Hans since I had already started getting my toothbrush and clothes and piling them inside a bag.

Someone started knocking on my door, unusually violent so we both mistook it to be my mother.

Instead as Hans answers the door, I hear Anna yelp from the living room area.

"Oh my god!" I hear Anna yell from outside of my room. "Uhh... Doesn't Elsa live here?"

"She's in her room. You must be her friend-"

"Elsa?" Anna cuts him off and I hear her charge for my door.

Oh, God this was too soon.

"Hi, you okay?" Anna opened the door to my room and I made a gesture for her to close it.

She obeys and sits on my bed.

"Hey? Umm I know this is really sudden but can I stay over at your place for the night?" I whisper at her and she returns it with a scrunched up nose.

"Oh, well I don't know about that. I haven't asked permission from my friend yet."

I was really dead now.

"Please, Anna. I can't stay here tonight. My... Mother is in town."

"Oh... Really?" Anna's energetic mood disappeared a bit. "I should tell her now."

"Thank you." I exhaled and she returns a smile.

"Are you sure you're alright? You're not sick or anything?"

"Oh... That pile of vomit outside isn't mine. In case you were wondering."

Anna nods and starts calling her friend.

I return to packing and realize it has become eight. My heart is unquestionably beating loud and I am uncomfortable. I look over at Anna who is playing Candy Crush on her phone while I finally zip my bag up.

"Okay, let's go." I leave the bedroom first and she follows me to the living room where Hans waits for us on the couch.

"You're leaving with her?" Hans gets up and squeezes my left shoulder. I nod to him softly and tell him I was going to be fine. In case they really let me, hopefully I'll get to stay over there for one more night. My birthday was so near and one night won't harm anyone.

I was nervous because I have never slept in a complete stranger's place before. Whether it was a dude or a girl, I was all out paranoid.

I followed Anna back to her place into the evening while Hans walked back to his place to get some sleep.

This is Anna's friend, I had no reason to be nervous.

Any friend of Anna's is a friend of mine.

What could possibly go wrong?

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

 **Sorry for the really late update, guys. If you guys have read my author's note from the last chapter, I've been a little busy for the last few days. I went out with my family and attended two concerts which were amazing and incredibly fun.**

 **The PTX concert was great, they're all just so talented and I'd love to see them again if ever they come back. As for Idina Menzel's concert, God. I just love her, she's talented and amazing and I could almost barely pay any attention because I've been a bit busy crying over the fact that I am breathing the same air she's breathing and it's overwhelming and I couldn't help but break down in front of my mother who is slightly confused as to why I look like I'm about to die.**

 **But I was fine on the way home; singing showtunes like I always do so all is well.**

 **Okay, I logged out of my old Tumblr and I have made a new one so guys, please please PLEASE follow me! It would be awesome and I would be happy to follow you back!**

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	14. Chapter 14

I have seen this place before.

And I was now very nervous.

"Hey, I'm back!" Anna called out once she entered a seemingly empty apartment.

It was smaller than mine but it felt more homely. There was a big easel and canvas by the window and a couple splatters of paint on some parts of the room.

Some of the walls were ecru and maroon with a dart board, a nice coffee table and a large sliding door.

"Over here, in the kitchen!" A girl replied. The place smelled like butter and cooking meat but it was obvious the girl was washing his dishes.

I follow Anna to the kitchen and see a blond haired girl and a purple sweater.

"My friend here is gonna stay for the night. Hope you wouldn't mind." Anna introduced me and I swallowed.

"I thank you so much for the favor." I say. The girl turns around and I am almost speechless.

"Elsa Ryans!" Rapunzel squealed and stopped washing to hug me.

She smelled nice, but seriously. No hugs.

"H-Hi..." I breathed out.

Anna gasps. "You guys have met?!"

This could be a long night.

XxXxXxXxXxXx

"And I've got a boyfriend named Eugene. He's back at home in Florida but ugh! I miss him!" Rapunzel was on the floor while I sat on her couch. There was enough space but this girl just really likes wooden floors. "I heard you and Hans Westergaard are dating."

While we were talking, Anna took her time singing in the shower.

"Umm... We are." I squeak. "Just recently."

"Gosh, news travels quick around campus. You guys sure are popular."

Popular.

It made me _sick_.

"But can I be honest with you?" Rapunzel leaned in and I couldn't help but back away. "I have no idea why you said yes to Hans."

"Oh, really?" Was all I could say. I didn't know how to react to that, it was awkward and straightforward.

Should I get mad or laugh? It wasn't funny, it wasn't offensive either.

"I'm sorry, that was rude of me." Rapunzel but her lip and I shook my head shyly.

"No, it's nothing. I mean... Hans is nice. He's caring, maybe that's why I said yes."

"Can I ask a question?" Rapunzel was clutching her mug of tea and I nod.

"Okay, sure."

"Have you... Done it with him yet?"

I tried my best not to roll my eyes in front of her. Why did everyone have to ask me that question?

"No, of course not." I didn't want to sound rude but it came out a bit mad.

"I don't trust Westergaard." Rapunzel was serious. "I've seen the way you like hiding behind bushes all the time and pretending you don't exist. He could do something to you."

I was speechless and somewhat embarrassed now. She was telling me things about my boyfriend and I can't even talk back nor defend him.

But right now, I didn't care.

"I guess you're right." I shrug it off and she nods once.

"Maybe... Staying on tier one would be safest." Rapunzel smiled and Anna bursted out of the shower in her towel as she yawned widely.

We both watched her as she made her way to the fridge to get water.

"Elsa, you can stay in my room if you want. I'll take the couch." Anna says.

"What? I-I mean, no. It's okay, the couch is fine." I put my hands in front of me and wave them to her, which she responds with an eye roll.

"Stop being so shy." Anna says and turns away. "It's not healthy."

It annoyed me a little when people use my shyness against me. Though I didn't care, they did it often.

I didn't have to say anything for them to get my bag and transfer it to another room since both of them were already gone.

"You can't say no to this!" Anna called out to me. I roll my eyes with a smile, though I probably would have enjoyed it more on the couch.

"I'm not." I say.

After making a couple decisions, I follow them to Anna's room. It was actually not what I had been expecting.

Anna's room was white, a typical guest room. But it had more personality and life compared to the room of someone who is supposed to be just 'staying in'.

She had two guitars and one ukulele hanging on the wall. She didn't have much makeup on her vanity, but lots of pictures stuck to the sides. She had a big stuffed reindeer on one side and on the other, a fair stack of notebooks. Her room smelled just like her; good. There wasn't any particular scent but I loved it.

"Enjoy your stay!" Anna giggled at me and I was shocked that both of them had opened my suitcase and had sprawled a bunch of my clothes on the bed. Including my underwear.

"A-Anna." I felt myself go so red. "What are you doing?"

"Uh.. Helping you unpack?" Anna seemed to have guessed and I couldn't help but bite my lip.

"That's okay. Now that really is." I let out a nervous laugh and pulled all my clothes back inside my bag.

"Sorry! I was curious!" Anna admitted and Rapunzel put her hands behind her back like a child.

I shake my head. "It's okay. Umm.. We should just get some rest and-"

"Rest?" Rapunzel snorted. "Oh, come on! It's too early, let's just chat more!"

I let out a slightly disapproving sound and the girls pleaded more.

Just as they had expected of me, I gave in and soon we were giggling and throwing jokes at each other. And by we, mostly Anna and Rapunzel.

While they laughed, I drifted off to though for a second to wonder where my mother was and what she was up to. It was almost 10 so she must be still out. Or back at my apartment ruining it so by the time I return there it would smell and it would look like a human pigsty.

"Hey, Elsa. You're quiet." Anna snaps me out and my head turns back to her and Rapunzel.

"Sorry," I tell them apologetically. "I was thinking."

Rapunzel grins at me. "How are things with your parents? You know, back home?"

I didn't feel too comfortable around Rapunzel. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, it's just that I wanted to trust Anna more.

"My dad's... somewhere, while my mother could be back at my apartment probably messing the place up."

Rapunzel did not respond to this with words but gave a little nod.

"Do you draw?" She averts the attention and I was a bit grateful. I nod and muster a small smile.

"A little. When I want to picture movements on the characters I have to make." I mutter and they both give pleasant looks.

"You're so talented," Anna sighs and puts a hand on my shoulder. "I mean... You've got so much!"

"Anna, that's-"

"You're a filmmaker! And a screenwriter!" Rapunzel cheers me on and I just felt a bit dizzy. I didn't like compliments. No, I just wasn't used to them. Insults were... Something else for me. More of a warm hug. "And sooo pretty."

"Thank you." I choked out and looked at the wall clock. "Oh, it's um.. I should go do some things. For school, I mean."

The two girls had their smiles a bit flattened but I stood up anyway to leave for Anna's room.

Even from inside with the door closed, I could her them speaking softly.

"She's really shy." Rapunzel spoke first.

"Not too shy, honestly." Anna pipes up. "She just has her moments."

That made me smile a little. After staring at the door for a couple minutes, I continued working on a project that needed a little polish before sending it to my other professor.

It didn't feel right that I was here. I felt like I wanted to go back home because even with the door shut and the lights dimmed, I didn't feel alone. And I didn't think they'd understand what I meant.

I want to be alone. I always do. But I didn't want to be lonely.

And it was hard to find because I don't know what it's exactly like to have a life for myself, no boundaries to any of my own secret desires but still knowing in my heart that someone will be waiting for me at the end of the path; to walk along with me whenever I needed someone to listen.

But that was selfish. And here I am, dreading the moment that any one of them would enter this room and wish me goodnight.

I was almost done with my project when I hear a soft knock from outside. "Elsa?" One of them whispered.

"Come in." It was Anna, and she sat on the bed.

"I'm sorry we got you a bit uneasy back there. We're both just kinda energetic." She said honestly.

"It's nothing." I say, which is partially true."But thank you for helping me out."

Anna flushed in satisfaction and folded her legs on the bed. "I'd do anything for a friend."

It was silent for a short while until Anna stood to go over to the desk.

"What's that-?"

"No, that's nothing." I swiped a folder over the papers which startled her.

"Sorry." Anna scratched the back of her neck and sat on the floor. "I didn't mean to pry."

I couldn't help but give a tiny sigh and began writing again. "S'okay."

Anna sat on the floor staring at me like a little kid. I felt it through the back of my eye and then I feel her smile come on.

"What's wrong?" I spoke up first.

"I just remembered something funny.." Anna giggled silently. "Wanna hear it?"

No, not really. "Okay." I say.

"Knock knock!"

I sigh and turn around to face her. "Who's there?"

"Pfftt.. Interrupting cow."

"Interrupting cow wh-"

"MOOO!" I almost jump from my chair and finally I see her lose it completely. "You should have seen yourself!" She giggled madly while I just stared at her in shock. Never have I seen anyone like Anna.

I couldn't think of anyone with just the same amount of life this girl had. Was it even humanly possible for her to be this content with such a joke?

I guess I admired it.

"Haha, very funny." I roll my eyes playfully and she sighs.

"Never gets old." Anna shrugs and wipes a tear away from her eye. "Hey... Elsa?"

I look at her and her eyes are twinkling at mine like a puppy's. I couldn't help but purse my lips at her.

"How are you never mad?" She asks.

What kind of question was that? I mean, I always get mad but I didn't quite understand if she realized that. Maybe it couldn't be seen at all. Maybe I was blinding everyone with my deathly personality that it seemed almost strange for me to cause an outburst.

"I can't get mad." I say simply. There wasn't any other option and that was my best answer. "I'm a doormat."

"A doormat?" She repeated. It meant what it is. A doormat is something you use to dust dirt off of the soles of anyone's feet. They're gum scrapers. Magical flying carpets for the kids but in general, doormats would sit on the ground, waiting for someone to step on them and they'd be fine with it. Because they know their nature. They were made to be stepped on and just like me, I'd wait anywhere for people to shove shoes over my cheeks.

Even if I didn't mean it literally, it was possible that I would still do it.

"It's nothing." I shake my head for her. "A metaphor."

Anna scratches her hair then flops on the bed.

"Elsa, I wish to be as accomplished as you."

Accomplished? If only I could appreciate something like that. I took self judgement all too seriously and sometimes, or most of the time, I embrace it.

Anna was much more accomplished than me. She had everything I never gotten nor possessed.

She was talented. She had friends.

She was happy and she knew what to do with her life.

"Anna.." I say and at first I was skeptical about asking her.

"Yeah?"

"What..." Should I? Did I always have to be afraid of asking? "What do you want to do?"

"Huh? Right now? Umm.. Talk to you, you're fun and you're good with people."

"No.. What do you want to do. I-In the future." I say. I was nervous right when I said it because I didn't want to hear her future. I did, but I didn't want to know she was making better plans for herself than I was for me.

"Oh," she laughs and looks up at the ceiling. It was hard to look at her, I couldn't keep my contact with her straight because I was so focused on the floor. "I want to make enough money to go to school first. College isn't far and I need to finish high school."

I almost forgot. I was already making better plans for myself, and she probably didn't want to talk about her state now.

Maybe because she knew she might not make it.

What if she was just as low thought as I am? Maybe she also had a depressing side, it was just so far in her heart that fishing for it would take a while.

But Anna was my friend. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable.

"How about you?" She asked and I could see the slightest shine in her eyes, hinting that she was holding something back. "You have a lot ahead of you. I'd love to hear it."

"It's nothing." I say and turn away from her to continue my work. "I am not as accomplished as you think."

Anna was silent. Had she been thinking of me as someone... To look up to? I couldn't be. I wouldn't get her anywhere and thinking of Anna adoring me this way made me feel mortified and sad for her. I was mad at one point that she wouldn't stop admiring me.

"I like your eyes." I tell her and I could almost see her blink back something. "They're blue."

"Yours is blue." She smiles. "Very, very blue. Like blue velvet.. Or satin."

I nod with my back facing her while I write down my name as a final mark before giving it one more inspection so I can type it down to print.

"Elsa... Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"What?" I can't say no to this, so what's the point.

"This bed is big enough for the both of us and... It would be a good way to understand you more."

"I have... Low sleep tolerance."

"That's okay. I won't do anything to you."

Like I said, I can't just say no.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Later that evening, I wake up at around 1 am to find myself staring at the unfamiliar ceiling, almost wondering where I am. Next to me, Anna is snoring softly and I couldn't help but take a very small glance at her.

She was so pretty even in her sleep. Anna looked like an innocent child which caused me to hold back a smile.

What was life through her eyes? Probably cotton candy and unicorns. Acoustic songs playing everywhere she went and rainbows leading to silly jokes and crazy interrupting cows.

I was jealous that she could see interrupting cows.

In these blue velvet eyes of mine, I saw streets and lit lampposts waiting in the blur of each evening where I dread the next morning which I wake up to and live in each millisecond of discomfort.

Was there something I had done wrong? Was it just the responsibility of coincidence? What about chance?

I go back to staring at the ceiling as I slowly drift back to the state I sometimes wish I could stay in for much longer than awake.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

 **Alright, I'm done with this chapter. Hope you guys enjoyed it and I'll be making more in the near future. School is coming soon since I only have a week left of freedom which kinda sucks and means that I won't be posting as often.**

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	15. Chapter 15

I wake up at 5:30 am where I expected myself to be the first awake but to my surprise, Rapunzel was already by her living room area, painting something as some indie artist played softly on her speakers.

I couldn't help but gasp in awe, which took her attention away from the canvas. Rapunzel was the first to speak. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you-"

"You didn't wake me." I shook off. "I just thought you needed help making breakfast. I don't want to be a burden while staying here."

Rapunzel had painted a faded blue over the entire canvas. It looked ridiculously gorgeous that I couldn't possible pull something as amazing as that. Rapunzel smiled at me thankfully but pursed her lips right after.

"Oh, that's not a problem. I can cook breakfast by myself." She shrugs. "Anna slept with you last night, didn't she?"

"Yeah." I had to admit, though it sounded weird to.

"She really likes you, y'know."

"No, not really." Did she? I wasn't surprised but I there was a hint of mortification flying around my breathing space.

Admiration was different from liking and I knew Anna had both of them for me, annoyingly. I liked Anna back. She's great and I like the fact that she's teaching me how to like hugs once in a while.

But I didn't say I liked hugs.

"Oh," I said out loud in a bit shock. "Can I take my camera out? I want to film this."

"Uhh... Really?" She laughs softly and I felt a blush creep up my cheeks. "Okay, sure."

After quietly getting my camera out, I set it on the tripod and Rapunzel returns to painting.

"You're very good." I sigh. "Where did you learn how to paint?"

"My mom," Rapunzel wasn't afraid to grin. "She always loved art and I also loved drawing, ever since I was a little girl."

She did a few strokes of black at the bottom left corner of the canvas, making some silhouette of a hill.

"And have you taken lessons?" I ask.

"Nope. I guess I like going my own way with this." She doesn't look back. "I tend to draw feelings."

"Feelings?"

"Yeah," she said, in a way I would have said it; almost in strange disbelief.

I ask her more questions before she goes back to painting the entire thing which took her about thirty to forty minutes until the sun decided to show up. While she was doing the painting, I cook breakfast for the three of us and Anna shows up by the door of her bedroom.

"Morning," she yawns and we greet her back while she opens the drawer to set the table.

Rapunzel was finished with her painting and I click the record button to end the taping. "How was your night?" Anna asked me and I look at her for an answer.

"Um," I say after realizing that she didn't really have it. "It was good. Comfortable, I have to say."

Anna smiles at me and carries on with setting the table.

My birthday was four days away and right now I didn't know what to do. My school stuff were back at my apartment and going there would cause me a black eye.

"Elsa, how long is your mom staying at your place?" Rapunzel asks me from by the wide window.

"Maybe for four days because my birthday is coming." I don't look at her.

"Oh is that so?" She says. "I don't mean to interfere but... Have you been out with her yet?"

"No," I probably sounded heartless as I said it. "Not yet."

"I think it would be a good," she shrugs. "She came here to see you so.."

I groan silently to myself and I was now very confused. Even Rapunzel was agreeing with Kris. She wanted me to spend some time with her.

It wasn't a bad thing.

But her presence didn't make me happy. And I no longer had the guts to retrieve my other files at home.

"I don't know, Rapunzel." Anna decides to join in. "I don't think it's a good idea. Her mom isn't very... Warm."

"She's warm," I say sarcastically. "Especially with her fists."

"Elsa, I'm sorry," Rapunzel gasps. "Actually... I'm not in good terms with my parents either."

I look at her. Admittedly, I was now interested.

"That's why I studied all the way here. I used to live in Washington. I also changed my last name." She laughs to herself, sending the message that she knows she's an idiot. "My parents have a lot of money. But I ran away, so basically I'm paying for myself. Anna helps pay rent so that's okay."

"You... Ran away?" Why didn't I think of that? Oh, yeah. _Constantly confused._

"Psh.. Yeah." She rolls her eyes on the process. "Until now, they have no idea where I am. They probably think I'm homeless and dying on the street. But... I couldn't care less about what they thought."

I look at her in slight disbelief but I guess I had to go with it since it's not my problem.

And she looks fine anyway. Maybe she was right. Her parents can worry all they want while she's over here, living a better life.

"What's your last name?" I ask stupidly.

"It's Rapunzel Corona." She says with her back behind me as she took the painting down to the terrace. "But Fitzherbert is fine! Corona is such a weird name."

"Alright," I say and turn the stove off to set the food on the table. "I'm going to take a shower first."

"Kay!" They said in unison while I stepped over to get my things and rush too the bathroom.

Rapunzel may have run away from home but she's really living in here. I see a lot of fancy soap and shampoo as I take my clothes off and step in the shower.

From the outside, I could hear Anna laughing about something Rapunzel had said and it puts a grin on my face as I start scrubbing down.

I told Rapunzel four days.

Was she going to do something about it? Because honestly, I wasn't ready to go home and face my mom.

I wash my hair and once I finished, I wrap it around a towel along with my body.

"Elsa," Rapunzel calls and that's when I step out of the shower.

"Hm?"

"Want to walk over to school together?" She asks with eyes a bit full of hope. I recall myself turning her down but this time, I nod my head which she grins eagerly at.

Without paying too much attention, as I turn around, I feel a pair of hands grasp the cloth around me and I feel it being yanked away.

It is followed by me shrieking and Anna giggling madly. She took my towel and now I had to chase her around for it naked.

"Anna, get back here!" I gasped, almost too mortified to actually move. She was just being silly and having fun, I didn't want to ruin the morning by crying over a stolen towel.

Anna didn't stop laughing but Rapunzel noticed the terrible expression I was wearing so she started going for her as well.

"Anna, towel down now!" Rapunzel crossed her arms and Anna slouched forward a bit.

"Mkay." She said timidly and handed over the towel. "Nice boobs, Elsa."

I couldn't help but pull my arms over myself tighter while I listened to her giggling. I guess it was a bit hilarious.

Or maybe it was just because I was at least a little bit attracted to this dork.

"Okay, I'll be ready in twenty. You should also eat before leaving." Rapunzel pushed me to the bedroom and went over to the bathroom.

After changing into a white shirt and some black jeans, I eat my breakfast quietly with Anna who just kept rambling on and on about the cons of being a daytime street musician.

I was listening, of course. I appreciate how hard she's been working to afford school and apartment rent. I knew it was never easy so my ears remain glued to her words as I stare down at my sausages.

"Elsa," Anna sighed and I force myself to look at her. "I'm sorry... About earlier. I just thought you'd fine it funny and-"

"No, it is funny." I force out a smile but she wasn't exactly buying it. "I was just being a little too serious about it."

She was silent for a bit. I waited for a response but when I realized she had been quiet for more than five seconds, I looked back down at my breakfast.

I believed in Anna. I didn't think she'd be too serious about my introversion problem. She saw something else and I guess she figured stealing the towel was another way of showing I could trust her.

"I'm glad you like my boobs." I say and she looks at me in surprise.

"Really?"

I nod my head. "I don't get that compliment a lot."

Anna smiles softly at me and returns to her breakfast.

After ten minutes of eating, Rapunzel comes out to change and Anna washed the dishes.

Right after Rapunzel came out, I went to school with her while Anna left to go the other direction.

This was going to be a good day. I felt it from beneath my skin and for the first time, I felt... _Alive_.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

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	16. Chapter 16

Stay 16

"How was your night?" Hans had his arm around me as we walked. "Slept well?"

"It was fine." I sighed, staring off at the passerby's who tried not to stare.

Rapunzel left for a talk with her other friends and I was stuck with Hans. Literally.

"That's good. How about tonight?" He asks.

I wanted to stay over at Rapunzel's for just a bit longer, but I didn't think it would be a good idea if I said I had to. And I needed to clean my house after leaving it alone for a day with my mother.

"I'll see about it," I tell him, though I know I wouldn't bother thinking about it five seconds later.

I mean, it wasn't quite true since I've been thinking about it all morning.

And also on my way home. I made sure I lost Hans because I couldn't get the courage to tell him I wasn't staying over.

And I headed back to my apartment.

At first, I expected it to smell and contain a seemingly dead woman, but it didn't.

Once I unlocked the place, I see my mother passed out on the couch with the television left on.

I look around to see it had been cleaned well and no longer smelled of vomit and garbage. I had to admit, I'm very surprised. The only problem was my door. It looked worse than the last time. She probably used an axe this time.

But I wasn't very convinced. Especially since Anna appears from inside my room with a broom and a rag over her shoulder.

I almost yelp, and that's when she saw me.

"Elsa!" Anna whispers at me. "How're you liking the apartment?"

"Anna, what are you doing here?" I say, almost too embarrassed to see her. _She's been cleaning my place?_

"I just wanted to make sure you came home to... Less of a mess." She shrugs while I shake my head.

"You shouldn't have." I sigh at her, almost too mesmerized with her eyes. They always looked like stained glass and the ocean.

"It's fine. I'm glad I did it." She puffs out confidently and I pull her out to the window and to the roof of the people below us.

"What are we doing here? Is this safe?" She asks me.

I tell her to sit down and we both stare out to the streets and over at the sky.

"I just want to say sorry." I tell her, sighing. "I wasn't very open to both of you. I was a bit... sour and I don't mean any of it-"

"Elsa, Elsa." She stops me and I feel my heart beating loudly. "Re-lax."

Have I been too hard on her? I didn't even say thank you. Was I going too fast?

"You don't have to be sorry." Anna rolls her eyes at me and looks back at the lit street. "It's actually me who should be sorry. I've been immature and too crazy for you."

I didn't really want to point out faults here. It's been more of something I would rather do alone. I didn't want her to point out her own flaws because to me, I didn't see any.

"The sky is beautiful tonight." I sigh, forgetting about our topic. And she joins in.

"Yeah.. I don't really get enough time to admire the evening." She starts playing with her fingers and it's hard to not notice.

It's silent for a bit longer and that's when I glance over at her. She did not break her gaze at the sky. Her eyes remained glued to the balls of hot air up at the heavens and mine were stuck to her face.

It looked just like the Galaxy. Full of wonders and sorrows flown way up to the sky. Many others saw a face.

But I was already in another dimension. Where everything is right and I see nothing but paradise. It made me almost too sad to look at Anna because she was a reminder.

A reminder that there is a good world somewhere here. It's close and wonderful; just very, very out of reach.

"Do you ever dream?" Anna asks me, still staring up at the dark heavens.

"Umm.. Yeah. Everyone dreams, it's normal." I look away and at the stars. "All the time."

"You.. Do? I kinda figured you had everything you needed right here."

"No.." I was beginning to drift away into deep thought. "Not exactly."

"What are your dreams about?"

I spot a few constellations and then I realized she was right. I was also too busy to look at an evening like this. "... Finding something."

"What?"

"I don't know yet." I look at her. "But if I find it.. I'll tell you."

I didn't know why but I think I was starting to really hate myself.

Why was I this complicated? I couldn't even understand my own self. There were just so many questions flying around in my head.

When was I going to grow up? When am I going to start feeling independent? Why am I alive? Why am I always sad? Why don't I ever feel beautiful? Why don't I have any friends? Why am I so shy? Why does my life suck so badly?

Why... Why... Why... Why...

"Elsa?" Anna snaps me out of my trance and I look at her. "Elsa, you still there?"

"Yeah... Sorry." I shake my head and hug my knees. "I was just thinking."

"That's okay." She stands up and starts making her way back to my window. "But I need to get to Palace. Acoustic sessions are still money."

Anna leaves quickly while I decide to shut my window and fix myself a mug of tea.

My mother is finally awake and is watching television quietly. I couldn't really see any emotions right now. I don't observe anger or sadness but all I notice is that she is practically a zombie, pale and dead in the eyes.

"Where have you been last night." She finally speaks up and her voice is rough as if she had been screaming.

"I had to do something for school," I lie and avoid looking at her eyes. "So I slept over at a friend's."

"It wasn't a boy, was it? You didn't do anything else?"

I shake my head quickly.

She sighs and I feel a rush of relief come up to me and I sigh back.

"It's Saturday tomorrow. Wanna do something?" She looks at me and I bit my lip. Should I? I almost never go out with her. I can only picture every bad thing that would've happened if I said yes.

She kills me. Brings a man home. Embarrasses me. We rob a house. Pick up male prostitutes. Cause an explosion. _Anything_.

"Okay, sure." I raise both my eyebrows in slight doubt but she takes it as a positive note.

"We're going to have so much fun!" She laughs and leaves for the bathroom.

It's times like this when I really want to jump out the window. And it's ironic because suicide was never a topic for me.

Not to mention, my birthday was closer than it felt this morning. Should I invite Hans and Anna? I didn't really want them to talk to each other. I didn't want Hans to meet my dad. I didn't want them to meet Anna. Why? I don't know.

Maybe I was afraid they'd judge both of them.

And why would I be afraid if they judged Anna? It's not like I'm in love or anything.

I didn't want to find anything else about me. Changing is the last thing I could think of. Realizing anything. Discovering something new. Maybe not today. Hopefully not ever.

I needed Hans to understand that I really loved having him as a boyfriend. That's probably the only change I might do.

Something I've never done before.

And I might as well know how to seal my relationship with Hans.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

 **Ughhhh. School started around four days ago (Wednesday) and I feel exhausted already. Surely in going to have it worse in the middle of the assessment. I'm already doing a lot of homework and right now, it's Sunday afternoon and I am lying in bed dreading the arrival of tomorrow where the cycle of hell starts again.**

 **I had no time at all to do this since I really started yesterday, all alone in my living room coming up with a great idea.**

 **Since I'm kind of a 9th grader here, we have career tracks to prepare ourselves for what we want in college. My principal wanted me to pick the one associated with medicine judging by my grades (which aren't bad) but instead I chose journalism which is something I love doing. It's paradise every time we have our elective classes since they're literally just about writing essays and crap.**

 **Anyways, I might post next Saturday (Friday in the states) but I won't be making promises. What I will promise is that I will** ** _try_** **my best to make the next chapter better than the last.**

 **IG- paradisebae_327**

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 **Twitter- akh_andre**

 **I LOVE ALL OF YOU AND THANKS FOR READING X**


	17. Chapter 17

It took me a while to snap out of my deepest thoughts on what bad could happen today while my mom thumbed through clothes at the mall.

She didn't mind my silence because she was used to it and probably regretted bringing me along at this point.

"This looks really good on you." She takes a blouse and raises it against me. I wasn't exactly paying attention, so I nod my head in fake agreement. I couldn't stop thinking about Anna, and I hated it. She was starting to drown me whenever I daydreamed because all of these mixed up thoughts led back to her.

I almost never thought of Hans, and that struck me hard. My own boyfriend.

Sometimes I forget he's still there. Which was almost impossible since he's always there.

He always looks out for me and probably right now, he's out with his friends door shopping. I felt embarrassed and confused. Was I tired of him? Did I just see no thrill in our relationship?

I've never kissed him. I've never said I loved him. I've never had sex with him.

But I never plan to.

"Your birthday is really close." She mentions and I look up at her.

"Yeah," I murmur. "Dad and Kris are coming to visit as well."

"Right. Your father and his... Girl."

 _Oh please, of all the names you've given her, you use girl._

"Just ignore her for the party if you want. She's bad news. Only wants your dad for his money."

I nod my head absentmindedly but stare at the floor of the shoe department.

It was a few hours before lunch and it felt like an eternity standing next to my mother like an impatient child while she looked for clothes. Hans had called me today and asked me if I wanted a white door which I said yes to, just to get rid of him. I was tired and I didn't think I slept last night. It was strange because I usually slept through my mother's drunk screeching but this time she never said a word.

She probably knew I had something against her because I definitely predicted the next thing she was going to tell me.

"Elsa," she sighs and comes a bit closer, it made me uncomfortable. "If there's anything you want to tell me, don't be afraid to say it."

Of course, there were so many.

I had suggestions, insults, requests, pleas, and just so many questions.

"Yeah, I won't." I nod at her and the day goes on with us shopping for more clothes.

Back when I was much younger, everyone told me I looked just like my mother. Even my dad would frown at the fact but he couldn't argue with the truth.

And when I look at her, I can see how right they all were.

She looked just like me, except her hair was brown and she looked like she was under distress like always. Giving the illusion that she is a battered wife visiting her daughter who will one day make millions for her and give her that life she would've wanted.

What they didn't know was that I was going to leave everyone soon and start over. I didn't know how or when but I knew I had a bigger advantage than most. It wasn't easy to renew life in the middle of it. The first task you'll have to fulfill is finding yourself and the reason why you've decided to change what you are and what you are about to become.

I've already come up with an idea, but who knows when I'm taking off.

I'm going to be _something else_. Someone I've never been and never knew I would turn out being.

We took a bus on the way home and I stared out the window, ignoring the fact that there's been something my mom has been trying to tell me since this morning.

She was so upset when I came home yesterday. And she didn't go to the bar the same evening.

"Honey, you're growing up so quickly." She spoke up using the most lifeless voice I've ever heard her use. "I'm no longer a part of it. You've got so much ahead of you and one day, I'm going to disappear and never come back."

I didn't want to feel guilty about this. But she knew I cared too much. About everything.

What they thought of me.

Strangers.

Friends, of course.

And why would I leave her out?

She gave birth to me. Raised me when my father left. There were a couple bruises and scratches involved but she kept me alive.

"That's why, make the most of it." I forced out. Why did she have to make it so hard for me? I always have to give myself a heads up because her hits just fly out of no where. Sometimes, bruises just appear without me realizing. That's how used I am to feeling pain.

Emotional pain no longer matches up to it, or takes up more of my patience.

Emotions aren't even a part of me anymore. I don't want it to be. So with the deepest pit of my empty heart, I tried to stop.

Another problem was Anna. Who just does nothing but distract me and let my guard down.

And she makes me feel something.

It was beautiful. Feeling was beautiful around her. And very agonizing.

How many times will I have to mention it?

I loved being around her.

I loved talking to her.

Being _with_ her.

Laughing.

Hearing her voice.

There wasn't anything I didn't feel when I'm with her. It's a feeling of sadness, anger, embarrassment, melancholy and everything else with a mixture of elation and ecstasy.

I start getting nauseous after staring out the window for too long with my eyes too mesmerized to look away from the dashing buildings and people.

Providence didn't feel like home.

Neither did California. I had no home to call my own, though I have so many.

"What did I do to deserve this much disrespect from you?" She raised her voice in a sharp whisper.

She wouldn't hurt me right now.

We were in a bus full of people.

"You've done a lot..." I was scared I think I was about to cry, but I forced them back in. "You've ruined so much for me. And I will never respect you the way I thought I should have."

And she did it.

She was so furious.

She balled her fist up and hit me hard, I had no idea it even came.

I hear gasps and words of protest everywhere. I was so embarrassed.

"Oh my god are you okay?" A girl called out to me. I just nod once.

But what really caught my attention was the guy who stood up. He had blond hair and was very muscular.

"Miss. Why don't you sit with me," he extends an arm but I was hesitant. "You can trust me."

Once I took it, I hear booing and cursing being thrown at my mother. I hated myself for feeling this good about doing it.

The man pulled me back to his seat and started inspecting my face. "That looks really bad." He made a face and I held back tears of humiliation. "Maybe you'd want to come over to my place. My mom's a doctor and she can expect your other bruises."

I had other bruises?

I swear I've never trusted anyone this quickly. After the second stop, he brought me down and right before I left the bus, I could hear my mother screaming for me to come back.

Might as well never return home.

The man walked me to his place which was actually a very pleasant apartment with plate decorations and a lot of pictures.

"What's your name?" He asks me, sitting me down on the couch.

"Elsa." I don't look. "Elsa Ryans."

"Nice name," he says. "I'm Kristoff."

I nod my head and observe the place a bit more.

It looked nothing like a clinic.

And there was no sign of his mother anywhere.

Until-

"Ma?!" He calls out.

"Here in the kitchen, baby!" She answers.

"I have a visitor," he looks at me. "She kind of needs help."

When I look up, I see a dark skinned woman with big brown eyes and the nicest smile I've seen in a long time.

"Hello, sweetheart," she pulls me up and lifts my chin. "Oh, my what's this?"

"It's nothing, ma'am," I stepped back. "Just a bruise,"

Why did I have to be taken to a doctor for some mild injury?

Unless she wasn't a doctor.

"Are you going to treat this?" I ask her with my head down.

"Sure, if you want. Moms are doctors too, y'know," she goes back to the kitchen to get the first aid kit and some ice. "If only I was an actual one!"

I finally look at Kristoff. _Wow_ , he looks pretty great for a mama's boy.

"She's actually a lawyer," he says to me.

I felt like fainting.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

 **Oh. My. Goodness. Right now, it's Sunday 2:16 am and I have just finished this. I s2g I feel so unaccomplished. I have so much things to do and I've never been this busy. Ever.**

 **I'm sorry I missed publishing day. It was supposed to be Saturday last week but I'm super duper late.**

 **I'm not used to growing up...**

 **I used to have freaking easy assignments but now I have no idea what I'm trying to do to myself.**

 **I'm studying but there are so many things I have to do and pass.**

 **A really important project is due in Monday, tomorrow.**

 **And I barely started.**

 **I need to get off for a while. I don't think I'll be promising every Saturday because I realized I can't keep up with the dates.**

 **For anyone who really reads my stories thank you so much but sorry you'll just have to wait.**

 **I love you all so much and thank you for reading. X**

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 **Twitter- akh_andre**


	18. Chapter 18

"Ever tired learning karate?" Kristoff's mother, Bulda was inspecting the bruise on my collarbone.

I was told to take off my shirt and Kristoff had gone out to walk the dog I didn't know they actually had.

When was the last time I looked at myself?

I had a bad bruise on my right shoulder blade and two healing ones on my left arm. The newest bruise was on the right side of my face, exactly on the jaw. I couldn't decide whether I should be mad or embarrassed about the situation.

"Are they that bad?"

"Honey, you haven't told anyone?" She looks at me with her big brown eyes and I get captured by it for a second.

I shake my head, eyes still glued to hers as I watch her scrunch her nose up. "Does your dad know?"

"He doesn't have to know," I look away. I decided to stay guarded for a bit longer before I explode in front of someone.

I felt her hands leave my back and touch me on the face. It felt strange and tender, a feeling I used to get when my mom looked at me.

 _Just_ looking at me. Without knowing what ideas she actually had about me. Sick and embarrassing.

"I'm really sorry, blondie. If only I met you sooner."

"Don't be," I stand up to get my shirt on the couch near me. "It's a problem I don't want anyone to be involved in."

She looks at me, hard and lovingly. It made me angry to see someone have that much pity. But there was something off about her look.

She didn't seem pitiful. But more of deep concern.

"I don't really want you to wait until things get worse. You need to file a restraining order-"

"What?" I couldn't help myself. And if I let this thing push through... I failed the thought of even making mom's stay memorable.

But why did she matter? Why did _anyone_ matter _..._ They've all hurt and ruined me _._ Shunned me into thinking life was always this awful. I knew misery like the back of my own hand. And misery was my best friend.

Misery was a better guardian than my mother. It followed me around everywhere and always knew what to do when it had to play a role in my life.

Yeah and basically it sucks.

I haven't felt this lost in quite a while. And it somehow made me want to throw something out the window.

I just wanted to get out of here and never come back. To go somewhere where no one knows me but myself.

And I groan at my own stupidity.

"What?" Bulda gives me a look. I shake my head and she takes a seat next to me on her tan recliner.

"N-Nothing." I say. "But I can't afford to do this-"

"You can't? Hon, look at you. You're a bruising banana." Bulda wasn't the only one trying to snap me out of this. There was Anna, Hans, a bit of my dad's girlfriend and I guess this entire world right after they saw my mom hit me.

It's going to be much harder walking around now with a bruise on my face without making everyone pity me.

"But... She's my mom." I felt my voice crack. "I... Can't."

"Yeah, but what would you prefer? You getting your life back or receiving bruises you never knew existed once it's turned brown?"

Why did I have to be so... Stupid?

Of course, if I were a normal thinking person who would put herself before anything else, I'd choose the second option.

But...

"It's my birthday. Really really soon and she came here for that. Give me until my birthday. Until she goes home." I think my heart started pounding loudly and the room had gotten hot.

Bulda couldn't do anything but stare. "Are you sure?" She said. It was firm and serious.

I didn't really know if this was going to come out well. I wasn't sure if I was going to keep myself alive for the next few days. But hey, what could possibly go wrong?

I give a single nod and she wrote down my number and address. It should work this time.

Kristoff drove me home but I told him to drop me off by Rapunzel's street which he did and I arrived at her place by the time they were eating dinner.

"Elsa?" Anna was the first to get up as she put her hands over her mouth. I think she was about to cry.

I didn't want to have time for any of this so I pulled my jacket zipper up to my face. "Anna, no please don't-"

"What happened?" Rapunzel gasped and gently tilted my head up.

"My mother happened." I pushed her hand back down. I didn't want any touching for now. "I'm getting a restraining order."

"What?" They both said.

"Yeah," I made my way to the bathroom mirror and they followed. "Rapunzel.. I'm staying until my birthday. If that's not a problem with you."

"Yeah, o-of course," She nods quickly. "You need ice."

"Thanks," and she leaves for the kitchen.

Anna had been silent as she watched me wash my face and take my earrings off.

"A-Are you going to be okay?" She asks in a shaky voice.

I turn to look at her. She seemed tired and stressed out. I wasn't sure if it was because of my bruise but she must've had a tough night.

"Of course I am." I say gently because I was probably scaring her with my disastrous look.

In the mirror, it wasn't too bad. Just gray and distracting. It was going to get much uglier soon so I was going to need some heavy foundation for this.

"Did she hit you?" Anna was whispering.

I felt really heavy on the inside. Somehow sad that she was asking these questions. I didn't really want her to care. Or anyone. Why couldn't the world just shut up for a minute? Then again, a minute was too long and I was getting desperate.

"Yeah... She did hit me. Hard." I look away and walk back out to where Rapunzel held out the ice bag to me.

I didn't eat the food Rapunzel offered and instead headed straight to the guest room. And just after getting ready for bed, Hans called.

"I heard a man took you from your mom. Is everything okay?" He seemed to be rushing. And at the same time seemed to be pacing around.

"I'm fine. He was just helping me out because we caused a scene on our way home." I sighed through the phone and he huffed in relief.

"What did she do this time?"

I was silent for a while because I was getting sick of that question. It had only been asked less than five times. "... She hit me."

"... What?"

"She hit me." I say frustratedly. "And bruised me. I'm getting a restraining order."

"Well you should." He made me sound like I said something stupid. "It should be soon as well."

"Yeah.." I was getting tired of talking to him. "Listen, we can just talk about this tomorrow or something."

"Okay, sure. Sleep tight." He murmurs and I put the phone down.

I need to break up with that guy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

GUYS I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD!

I'm really sorry for making you guys wait for... Around 3 months! Sorry sorry sorry!

School's been a pain and time is super duper limited. I couldn't find the right time to write because of all the homework and projects. But heyyyy I'm doing fantastic!

I'm loving this year it's been such a great year and I haven't been this happy about a year before.

I honestly miss writing.. NOT TO MENTION I ALMOST FORGOT MY PASSWORD HAHAHA

ANYWAYYYY HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE A GREAT DAY AND THANKS FOR READING I LOVE YOU XXX

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	19. Chapter 19

It was a rainy morning and I was the first one awake so I made breakfast. My head has been pounding since the minute I woke up and I had the urge to vomit.

I was frustrated with the first egg I cooked because it got burnt on the sides. The second was was wet and the yolk broke after a second. It isn't my day today.

"Elsa?" Anna was up with sleep still in her eyes as she rubbed them quickly before snatching the spatula away from me. "I'm handling the eggs. You go shower."

I didn't have much time to think about what I had to do for today because there was already so much. Bulda gave me her phone number in case there was anything I needed to know about the restraining order or when I wanted to file it.

It was sunday and I had two days left until my dad and Kris are to come and visit.

I wondered how much alcohol my mother was taking with her. I wondered how many people she might hurt or insult in the party. I wondered how many people were going to watch me with pity as my parents argue through the entire thing. And I wondered how many hours I was going to handle being in the same room with them.

With Hans being my boyfriend, he discussed filing restraining orders with me once and that sometimes undergoing the process takes a long time to happen since it requires attending a court hearing that could take longer than the remaining days I need. I decided not to attend hearing which meant that the order was going to be limited. I guess scaring her away would be the best option without informing the expiration date of the order.

It was a tough process but I always manage.

"And what's going to happen once the order's limit comes?" Hans was stirring his mug of coffee in a cafe we picked two blocks away from the bookstore. I shrugged my shoulders and leaned back on the armchair. "I'll allow it to come. I don't want to get a permanent one because it's going to cost a fortune-"

"Then I'm paying for it." He interrupts and I look up at him.

"No."

"Your life is far more important than a thousand dollars."

"A thousand dollars?" I choked. I wasn't going to ask for any more favors. "Hans-"

"Look. It's far better than seeing you get hurt, I can't take any more of this."

I wanted to get mad. But I thought it would be best if I stayed quiet for a bit longer. Much much longer.

"Elsa... Do you still love me?" He asked but I could tell he was looking out the window.

It was such a sudden question. And somehow I don't know the answer to it. Do I still love him? Did I ever?

What the fuck, Elsa. Did you just date a guy for no particular reason? No, I wasn't in love.

But I had butterflies in my stomach on a regular basis.

It turns out the butterflies were coming from somewhere else..

"Of course I do," I coughed after taking a hard sip on my mug. "What makes you think I don't?"

"I don't know.." He scratches his head. "You're never happy around me. I don't think I've ever had much fun with you."

Was he genuinely in love with me? Did he see something instead of a pretty girl? Then again, I knew he cared. Probably.

"Hans... I didn't think you'd choose someone like me. I didn't think you would have wanted to. I mean, you have so many options you didn't have to pity-"

"Who said anything about pity?" He pulled his ankle up and rested it on a knee. "I just really saw something good in you." He was smiling. And I think I was too. I wasn't sure.

"Thanks." I look away.

Ah, well.

Dad had called me after we ate and headed to the library. He said he was in the area and was already planning the party. Hopefully it wasn't a big one. He wasn't going to visit me since he knew my mom was here so he and Kris slept in a hotel they found. I might as well invite Hans, Anna and maybe even Rapunzel. My closest few. I didn't want a crazy party. I also didn't want to bring anyone who would have embarrassed me. There wasn't anyone else, thank goodness since I'm that big of a loser.

"Hans?" I was getting tired and it was close to three. He gives me an expectant look and my back begins to stiffen.

He lifts an eyebrow. "Something wrong?"

I shake my head. "I need to get back soon. I still have a few things to do back home."

And from the look of his face, he understood. As if someone had already told him what was up in my head.

"You sure you can manage?" He said to me. I didn't have to reply to make him understand. I just stood and left with my things, leaving him and his sad eyes. I didn't care if I lied about being busy. I didn't want to look back.

On my way to Bulda's I came across Anna who seemed to be running home.

"Hey-" I raised my hand at her and she went right through me, dashing past like I wasn't there.

Maybe she needed something back home. I leave the thought and walk straight to Bulda's house.

Instead, it was Kristoff who answered the door. I could hear the dog barking in the back.

"You actually came back." He smiled at me.

"Well, yeah. I thought this might help me." I force a smile back. "May I come in?"

He gestures for the entrance and I step forward. Turns out Bulda wasn't home meaning it was just me, Kristoff and the dog.

"Do you like dogs?" Kristoff sat next to me on the couch.

"Yeah?" I guess. I'm never really around dogs so I wouldn't know.

"Sven!" He calls the dog.

The massive golden retriever came dashing in the room with his apparently massive butt.

Oh, shit.

The dog leapt over the couch and down on my lap, licking me everywhere.

"K-Kristoff, make him stop!" I pleaded.

He gives a loud laugh and yanks the dog down with his collar. "Sorry." The dog drops down on the sofa and decides to sit there. "Stay, Sven."

I remained frozen on the couch, too cautious to move in case I made a gestured that the dog could have mistaken for some kind of mating dance or whatever. I guess I wasn't a big fan of dogs.

"So.." Kristoff began awkwardly. "What do you usually do?"

"I'm a screenwriter. Well, I want to be. Over at Brown."

"Oh, I see." He scratches the back of his neck and that brought the big awkward silence back. "You must be smart, then."

"Oh, I'm not that smart. Just enough to pass." I started to blush and I couldn't help but look away in embarrassment. Ugh, great. My introverted self is showing up again and it's doing a pretty good job at standing out.

"Don't be modest. Brown only qualifies the rich, intelligent and telented." He scoots over next to me and I felt myself shrink with every inch.

"R-rich?" I stammer as I feel his thigh press to mine. "I'm not rich."

"Well, a few students who don't pass might as well just buy their way into the premises." He is hand creeps around me and my throat becomes dry and sandy.

Down, down, down.

It lands on my waist. "I see..." I couldn't concentrate. The world started spinning as my breath shortened. I wanted him to stop but I kept silent.

He holds on to my waist and pulls me closer.

"K-Kristoff?" I choke out helplessly and he stops.

"Yeah?"

"I have a boyfriend." I squeak and in a millisecond, his hand was back where it should be.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know-"

"It's fine. It's nothing." I block out the apology, almost as if I didn't deserve to hear it. "I... Didn't know you saw me that way. Is that why you decided to help me out?"

"What? Of course not." He was now backing away slowly and from that minute I knew I embarrassed him. "I would know when someone is in need of help. I mean... I serve the military."

I remained silent. I wasn't really sure why I said such a thing and why I wanted to call him something he probably isn't.

"And if you're having any ideas of me taking advantage of you because you're pretty or slim or weak then I'm sorry and I-"

He wasn't an idiot after all. In fact, he understood something that he wasn't supposed to understand.

That women see men with similar gestures in the same drastic projection. It's not that he wasn't supposed to, but rather it shouldn't be in an idiot's eye view.

Now I was embarrassed.

"Kristoff." I spoke up without realizing his head was down in shame. "Don't take it too seriously."

"Umm." He shook and suddenly he was headed for the kitchen. "You must be hungry. I've got lemonade and pizza."

"Thanks." I pushed out a sigh and rested my back on the sofa.

Smiling to myself I thought: 'Kristoff was totally his mother's kid'

Holy mother, you guys I am so sorry for leaving this story alone for such a long time! I've been studying and doing projects and I almost forgot I had to make more chapters. Good thing I haven't completely left the fandom (even if I was very close to shutting the door) but hey, I'm still here! Hopefully there are still people around who've waited and I'm terribly sorry to keep you waiting! Please understand that it's not easy being high school (then again, it isn't easy being college or employed either). Anyway, since it's my Christmas vacation at last, please message me if you feel like you want earlier updates thank you! xxxx


	20. Chapter 20

When Bulda had finally arrived, Kristoff was out the door again with his dog while his mother led me to a room full of paper.

Full.

"How long have you been waiting for me?" She was looking for something on her desk.

"Not long." I assure. "Your son kept me company."

"Kristoff. He's a very sweet boy." She sighed, picking up a picture frame which contained his high school grad pic. Apparently, he was the kind of boy girls would have fallen for back in school. The name you'd see in anyone's notebook, scribbled with scented glitter pen hearts. Handsome. Intimidating.

All I could do was nod.

"It's a shame he's grown up." She shrugs. "He couldn't stay my baby forever."

"Bulda.. Does he have a father?" I couldn't help myself. Judging the fact that Bulda was a Black American and Kristoff wasn't.

"Oh, he's adopted. My husband died ten years ago from a gunshot. It wasn't easy but I learned to find love from a different source." She finally found the papers she's been looking for and set them down in front of me.

"Where did you get Kristoff?"

She began scratching her head. "His mother gave him to me when he was four. She was my best friend.. Betty was her name. Couldn't provide needs for him because she was so poor and her husband left her to live in Wisconsin."

I guess I wasn't too surprised. But I could tell Bulda and Kristoff were a solid team. Something me and my mother weren't. And maybe I wished that my mother had gone broke to give me up to someone like her. I would have been someone better. Someone with confidence. Someone who would have known there was something pretty about herself. Someone I would have become if my mother knew what to do.

"He's a lucky boy." I say with a good smile. "Very."

"Now. Let's start with your problem." She opens one folder and slides it to me. "You're going to have to attend a hearing for this one and I can only guide you through the process."

My face went pale to this after realizing I haven't thought this through. Hans talked to me once about a one month court hearing. Did they have one hour hearings? Two at least?

"How long will it have to take? The hearing I mean." I put a bit of hair behind my ear.

"It won't take long. But if your birthday is that soon, then it needs to be done today." She perches her elbow on her desk. "Prepare the proof you need and we'll be going to court."

XxXx

Okay.. Where was I? Standing in a courtroom with Bulda, Kristoff and Hans in front of a young brown haired man wearing a black robe. We've been in the court room for almost two hours.

"Do you have the proof you need for this?" He looked at the bruise with his gray eyes and then nodded without hearing me say a word. "This gives your mother the rule of staying about 50 feet away from you."

I sighed in relief. I could barely imagine making her stay 100 feet away. She might as well be sent out of the party.

"Will this be temporary?" I asked in a small voice.

"An unlimited restraining order would have to take fourteen court hearings before it has to be signed permanent. Since you're in such a rush, we have to wait for her to leave the city." He didn't look at me since his eyes were glued to the documents.

"I'll help you. Don't worry, she won't be able to touch you." Hans whispered in my ear and I couldn't do anything but nod.

"She'd be able to know about the restrain but we'll just have to keep the deadline a secret. Also, since this is temorary the least days we'll have to give you is a month and fourteen days."

I was almost too uncertain about keeping myself alive until tomorrow. I don't think I'd be able to fall asleep tonight, judging that it's going to be my last day tomorrow.

XxXx

Before going to Rapunzel's that evening, I stopped by the old café and just to my luck, Anna was on the stage singing.

I sat by the door and gave a small wave when she spotted me. She was singing this relaxing slow beat song I wasn't familiar with. It was probably one of those hard to find perfect evening songs. The ones Anna loved and chose to play.

"See I could do without a tan

On my left hand,

Where my fourth finger meets my knuckle

And I should run you a hot bath

And fill it up with bubbles." Anna was on the stage, head down as she stared at the strings of her Ibanez. I couldn't tell if she was lost in her own trance, or just somewhat heartbroken. Kind of like she suffocated over something she wasn't pleased with.

I didn't even know something was troubling her. I was too focused with my own problems to even realize anyone else's.

"Cause maybe you're loveable

And maybe you're my snowflake

And your eyes turn from green to gray

In the winter I'll hold you in a cold place

And you should never cut your hair

'Cause I love the way you flick it off your shoulder."

She was so pretty on that stage. I knew it meant a lot to her. I know it was her life. Her hair was up in a bun and she wore a pale pink sweater. It wasn't very Anna to be in such a girly get up but somewhere deep inside she was always a goofball. Crazy and mysterious. I didn't know where to start. From her sparkling eyes or her button nose. Or the way she likes trying to write with her foot. Or whenever she wonders about having a good death. Or when she wishes on paper ones because she's never seen shooting stars. Along with the thought that she was never given the opportunity to spot them because maybe she's already got everything she's ever going to need. She was insane. She makes me insane.

"And you will never know

Just how beautiful you are to me

But maybe I'm just in love

When you wake me up."

Suddenly, I'm in a whole 'nother place.

Country.

World.

Galaxy.

Dimension.

I was reaching from the pit of my heart as I felt it slowly crawl back up to my chest.

And I finally felt it beating.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Hey best friends! Oh look at that! I uploaded a chapter sooner than the rest of them! That's because it's Christmas break and I love you guys for reading :))

Please tell me what you guys think of the chapters so far and don't worry the real elsanna is coming sooner than you guys think!

I love you guys and Happy Christmas :)

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